The boy

Speaking of the boy, and me missing him for an insane amount yesterday ... I had a bad dream last night.

In it, boy was getting sick at nursery, and when I picked him up, the girl I get along with really well there was like 'oh, he's so sick he needs to go into care' (why not the hospital, I don't know, it's a freaking dream) and I was like 'but he can still come here, right?' 'nope, but you still have to pay' 'will he keep his place then' blahblahblah.

Anyway, a couple of days later in dreamland, he's all better, and I want to get him back, but they won't let me, even though I've visited and when I do he's all clingy and he's stopped being as talkative as he normally is (trust me, that boy never shuts up, but I like the sound of his voice so it's okay) and I think I ended up kidnapping him so he could go on holiday with us still.

I wish I had my dream dictionary ... but it's still in storage. I'm going to have to hunt down freakydreams.com ... I didn't like my dream. My boy's mine, no one elses ... silly dream-nursery-nurse!

**edit** I've just looked up a dream journal online. Apart from 'unresolved issues with the person lost' ... most of it's saying I'm trying to regress back into childhood, longing for the past 'and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes', a fear of abandonment and rejection (and since my list of people letting me down ... are we surprised?) and that I'm 'overwhelmed by the hustle-and-bustle of every-day life' and need to reorganise.

Geez. So today was the day I was planning on at least tidying the boy's room (he's decided the toys don't need to live in the toy buckets, but instead on his bed/the floor) and yeah, you know what dream? I had a kid young, when I was acting out, and there was a lot I wanted to do and sometimes when my friends talk about their plans I do wish my life was that simple, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Because any other way is life without boy and I won't have that. Besides, when he's 18 and I'm 40, that's when I get to do all the stupid stuff again and call it a mid-life crisis. Take that, stupid, stupid dream!

P.S. Don't reject me anymore, people ...