Society's hierachy

I am blatantly stealing the title from another blog I read ... I just want to expand on what she was saying, put my own spin on it.

Basically, what my blogger friend said, was that she'd watched girls at a shopping mall nearby, and seen hints of what was talked about in 'Queen Bee's And Wannabe's', the book that formed the basis for Mean Girls (there's a similar book, 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter, which spawned the TV series ... it's more about how teenage girls are and parental techniques than eight simple dating points).

I'll preface by saying, I have and dislike both books. Not because I don't believe in society having a hierachical structure, I think hierachys work far better than communes, or because the theories weren't supported by experience, but ... there was an element of disbelief in both books, which are meant to be factual/self-help books (oh, more on those at a later date). The ideas were concrete, sure, but they seemed slightly exaggerated. I very much doubt a 12 year-old would put so much thought into their vindictiveness in order to be the top of their social circle.

Anyway, I agree with what Lizzy said, that you can watch a group of girls and easily identify the girl who they consider Queen Bee, from the way she holds herself, the touch of condescension in her expression when she talks to the others, either about each other or some innocent bystander. You can tell the WannaBe from the way she watches the Queen Bee, the way she imitates the styles of clothes, the posture and facial expressions (only altered by the lack of confidence that she has it right). You can tell the Hanger On, the bottom of the food chain that they keep around to humiliate to feel better themselves, by her lack of eye contact, the slight deviation in trends from the rest of the group, the bad posture, the eyes that sometimes wonder.

But I think it goes deeper than just the small social groups. I think that's the tip of the iceburg.

Take my high school, which I've mentioned briefly before. It was a selective school, true. It was also single sex, which means we could have up to 26 males in our school (in the sixth form. The most I ever saw was 7 in my year, which dwindled to 4 by Upper Sixth) before we're considered a mixed school. There was such a complicated hierachy in just one year, just 130 girls.

Because at first, we all split into our respective groups. Some were bigger, something like 10 girls in a group, some were smaller, in pairs or threes. We all had our hierachies within our groups (I was the bottom feeder. My group was made up of all the girls who were rejected by the other groups, and I think I resented that we were friends of convenience rather than anything else more than the other girls did. Therefore, I was the lowest of the low) but there were larger hierachies too. Some groups were more popular than others, and the popular groups in each class seemed to be friends with the other popular groups, so really, we had 50 girls competing for the top spot.

But there were two girls, who were part of the Bible Bashing group, who were the most popular. They didn't have designer labels or a snooty manner or put anyone down. One of them was great at drama, and became Head Girl when we entered year 13. She competed against all those Queen Bees and WannaBe's and it was a complete cake walk. The other girl, who was also pretty much the smartest girl in our year (which evidently makes her a superbrain, since we were all intelligent. I think she went to an Oxbridge, one of the 6 girls in our year who did) was pretty quiet and self-reliant, but ... one of the younger years started creating fires, and she was almost framed for it, since she was the last person known to be in the place the worst fire started. As soon as we were told there was almost a riot to protect her, even the Head said she'd trust her with her life ... it was almost life affirming to know that there were girls like her out there, that had that absolute trust (and trust is a great power) and never corrupted it. I think they caught the arsonist, after the 7th/8th time? But that was after I left.

Anyway, it was something I noticed even all those years ago, that it wasn't the snooty girls who had the real power. In one class, where none of my friends were (bus or class ... and I liked my bus friends infinitely better so of course we barely saw each other in school), I used to sit near some of the WannaBe's and they were so poisonous ... but even they couldn't touch girls like the two mentioned in the last paragraph. When you have power and no enemies ... that's when you're a real Queen Bee.

It's interesting to note, though, that in most social situations, I would consider myself an outsider. I just don't have the same interests - while most work friends are at the pub or a club, drinking their wages away, I'm content to sit and read or write or play with my son. My wages go on him, lol. However ... there is one situation where I'm part of a clique, and that throws me.

It's on a website. One most of my follower list will know well, since we met around 7/8 years ago on there (at least, I met them, some already knew each other from other websites. I knew a couple from yet another site. It's complicated to explain, but it makes sense to us. All these sites were shutting down and we created our own one and amalgamated, in laments terms). At first, there were loads of us, and we openly became cliques, and everyone was fine with that. Some had names, like Team Pokage and The Muskateers (I was TP, not TM, lol) and some you knew the members by nicknames. There were cross-overs too, of course - I would go on late at night and joke with the more sarcastic members, from Portsmouth and Denmark, and by day I'd talk to my cliques.

Anyway, there was a power struggle between one clique, not mine, but the one involving the girl who had created the board, and stupid things started happening - you couldn't see the board unless you logged in, you couldn't join unless you contacted the admin. You couldn't contact them unless you could see the board. We were closed for members. But people started drifting away ... cliques broke up ... and one of the ones I was in remained, grew stronger. Of us all, we probably live closer. We're the first ones to stand up and say 'I wanna see you guys!' ... figuratively of course. Some people moaned we only met in the Southern end of the country, so we moved it North ... and it was still us. But everyone now complains about our clique, and sometimes it gets annoying, to the point where we have to defend everything. But I guess it would seem a little bitchy to an outsider where we're saying 'we made the effort every time, it's not our fault so-and-so left, we're not going to stop being so close to make you feel better' blahblahblah. Those are really cliquey things to say, I know, but at the same time ... why do we have to defend the fact our friendship is that strong?

Could I really break down our group into the 4 positions mentioned in Queen Bee's And Wannabes? Queen Bee, WannaBe, Bottom Feeder, Alsoran? I don't think so. At one time, it could have been argued I saw myself as QB, since I don't shut up, I'm forthright with mine (or others) ideas, I'm quite stalwart so I'm rubbish to argue against (and I've said things I regret ... mentioning a certain cosmetic surgery to someone, no matter how irritating, was way below the belt. I knew it as I said it, but I was almost blind with anger, I couldn't stop myself ... excuse, not a request for a pardon) ... but not so much now. Not since I had the boy. I'd like to think I've mellowed (okay, okay, the CS retort was post TTP, pre-op ... but she was saying things I couldn't handle. I can't deal with people mentioning suicide since the TTP ... especially if they've been in life-threatening situations before. Value life, Goddammit!) ... in all honesty, if I had to pick our Queen Bee, I'd say it was Cassie. For all the same reasons we picked our head girl in school, or defended the girl who by the book was the biggest suspect for arson. She's such a wonderful person, so sunny and full of life ... and okay, she makes bitchy comments sometimes, but with a ring of sarcasm, so you know she probably doesn't mean it ... and if she does it's deserved.

I think I've gone off in a tangent. I just think it's an interesting concept, the female hierachy. Especially when you can have several roles in different groups all at once. Anyone else want to add their two cents to the hypothesis?