Harry Freaking Potter

I go on about it enough.

Why not actually share my views on the book - not just J.K.Rowling's writing style, the actual book - for an entry? Or 7 (since it's the most magical number, wink wink) ...

The trailers have come out recently. It's like my youtube porn. Have you seen what Deathly Hallows looks like? Can I join the post production team? I've used a few video editing packages, can I show you this frame morph I did when I was 17 that is still ah-may-zinggggg, Warner Brothers inc? No? Geez ... just because I didn't do computer effects in second year :(

Anyway, the books. I read and re-read to see what I can pick out from J.K.Rowling's style. She says 'said' too much (if you see my writing, and I put 'said', I gave up looking for an alternative) but otherwise ... she includes so much, you have to reread to put a new spin on the text. Like 'did Harry really stow his invisibility cloak away, I thought it was in his hands?', nope, she added it.

It's not without faults. I still have the Chamber of Secrets edition where Fred talks, then Fred answers. There are a bunch of questions she's left open, even with what she's created - do we ever discover who Dean's parents are? Why doesn't Harry shout at Tonks when she leaves Teddy with her mum to go fight the Death Eaters/wind up dead? The whole Elder wand bit baffles me a little still. I know the pattern of who had it from Grindlewald, but ... Harry disarmed Draco when Draco was using his wand, so does that really count? Does he really possess the Elder wand or was that a double-bluff?

Yeah ... I think I think too much.

But it's like, one of the ultimate fantasy books. She doesn't stick to the religious aspect like C.S.Lewis, she doesn't do any more description or narrative than neccesary (she's good at pacing) unlike J.R.R.Tolkein (a page on a path, 3 on a tree) and the comedy is reserved for comedic characters, unlike the plotline (Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy) ... so it's a good pace, and well thought out and there are characters to empathise with and characters you can easily dislike, characters who make you laugh and characters who annoy the hell out of you ... if you've really read a Harry Potter, you'll make an emotional connection on some level.

I had 5 favourite characters throughout the series (I seem to do things in 5's, don't I?) - Lupin, Tonks, Dobby, Luna and Fred Weasley. Yeah, Deathly Hallows sucked for me, big time. I liked Lupin because he's like the cool uncle with the hippie beard and guitar who was so lax you could get away with murder around him, but you still knew where the line was ... and he'd have awesome stories and give you sweets and stuff for made up excuses (oh dear, was that a Dementor? Eat this boulder of chocolate!) but if you were in danger he'd turn into a clucky mother hen.

I liked Tonks because - well, what woman doesn't want to change her appearance at will? Nose looks big when you wear red? Change your nose. Bored of brown hair? Squeeze your eyes shut and in a few seconds, pink! Purple! Blonde! Your choice ... that was the moment I wanted magic the most ...

Everyone loved Dobby. When I read the books to boy, I end up with this squeaky, kid-like voice accidentally, just from the way his lines are written. I liked him because while he was child-like in his tastes, I admired his independence, his lack of care for the way other people thought about him. Everyone wants to be like Dobby, really.

Same with Luna, I liked her off-beat nature. I was the Luna Lovegood at school ... I just didn't have a nickname to rival Loony. I've got an affinity with Luna, lol.

And Fred was just awesome from the get-go. He's funnier than George, more confident than George (he's the dominant twin to George, and I'd bet the youngest and tallest too ... I know a lot of twins ...) ... I wanna marry a Fred one day. Not the actual Fred, since he's a dead fictional character, but someone that funny, and courageous, yet caring. I can give or take the gingerness.

Speaking of the Weasleys ... they remind me of my family sometimes. There's 7 of us too. I'm the Ron of the family (the second youngest, not the lanky ginger kid with the famous best friend I'm insanely jealous of) and my little sister acts like Ginny, she's confident and popular (but again, not ginger). We have a Percy-like brother, and my sister's funny like Fred and George ... sometimes, I feel Ron's pain.

I wanna say more on Harry Potter, but I'm drawing a little blank right now. It's late. I'm hot. It's hot (it's insanely hot). More later, yuss?

A letter to me.

Dear Zee,

Remember you promised yourself a few things?

Like spending absolutely no more pointless money until we're in Florida?

Or trying to shift the monster that is your stomach since it makes you feel gross, even if you have to live on salads for the rest of your life because of the fat content of everything else?

And that you'd write more, and keep your room and stuff clean?

Yeah .... with the Ben's Cookies and your room and the new Mario and Harry Potter wii games ... what's up with that?

The boy

Speaking of the boy, and me missing him for an insane amount yesterday ... I had a bad dream last night.

In it, boy was getting sick at nursery, and when I picked him up, the girl I get along with really well there was like 'oh, he's so sick he needs to go into care' (why not the hospital, I don't know, it's a freaking dream) and I was like 'but he can still come here, right?' 'nope, but you still have to pay' 'will he keep his place then' blahblahblah.

Anyway, a couple of days later in dreamland, he's all better, and I want to get him back, but they won't let me, even though I've visited and when I do he's all clingy and he's stopped being as talkative as he normally is (trust me, that boy never shuts up, but I like the sound of his voice so it's okay) and I think I ended up kidnapping him so he could go on holiday with us still.

I wish I had my dream dictionary ... but it's still in storage. I'm going to have to hunt down freakydreams.com ... I didn't like my dream. My boy's mine, no one elses ... silly dream-nursery-nurse!

**edit** I've just looked up a dream journal online. Apart from 'unresolved issues with the person lost' ... most of it's saying I'm trying to regress back into childhood, longing for the past 'and the chance to satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes', a fear of abandonment and rejection (and since my list of people letting me down ... are we surprised?) and that I'm 'overwhelmed by the hustle-and-bustle of every-day life' and need to reorganise.

Geez. So today was the day I was planning on at least tidying the boy's room (he's decided the toys don't need to live in the toy buckets, but instead on his bed/the floor) and yeah, you know what dream? I had a kid young, when I was acting out, and there was a lot I wanted to do and sometimes when my friends talk about their plans I do wish my life was that simple, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Because any other way is life without boy and I won't have that. Besides, when he's 18 and I'm 40, that's when I get to do all the stupid stuff again and call it a mid-life crisis. Take that, stupid, stupid dream!

P.S. Don't reject me anymore, people ...

And that's all it takes!

So yay, I'm doing going to do anything stupid like run off with the boy the day before our flight back from the good ol' US of A!

I went to London and had an awesome time (would've been better if Jo had come too :( ) we basically walked from Picadilly to Covent Garden then holed ourselves in TGI Fridays for a few hours, but it was good stuff. I love my friends.

And I've now tried Ben's cookies (Katie and me went after the others went to catch a train) ... and we spent way to much in cybercandy ... but I have tropical punch and boy's tried a krabby patty now so we're all good with me spending like, £20 on foreign food. And some of it's for my brother's birthday present, so yeah ... somehow it can be justified. Ben's peanut butter cookies, btw, are effing sickly. But their size is wooooaaaaah! huge.

I love Covent Garden. It's way better than Camden (OMFG, what's happening to Camden?!) I wanna go back already. I've missed you, trips to London!

So now I'm a happy bunny. And I don't even mind covering my friend's shift while he a)celebrates his friends birthday and b)watches the football, because even though Sunday is normally crazies-day, it'll be quiet (because of the football) and I won't miss too much of boy. And I get to miss out on the hours-long bedtime routine (although yesterday, I got back after his bedtime, so I let him stay up because we missed each other, and when I did put him to bed he was almost asleep before I put him in.) which sounds mean but it'll give my voice a rest.

Moaning Myrtle

I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I can't help it.

What the fuck is going on with the cosmos? Is there some stamp on my forehead that says everyone I give a crap about should make arrangements to do stuff and then bail last minute?

Okay, Pete had a fit.

Okay, my working-for-5-years-in-a-crap-hole bit was bad timing.

Okay, so I get Katie, Cassie, and maybe Chris tomorrow.

But tonight?

TONIGHT?

Gaaaaaaah ... the second time in a row I've been let down by the same person. And what's worse is that this was meant to make up for last time?

But what can I do? Just suck it up, smile like it doesn't matter and carry on?

I'm sick of doing that. I'm easy-going up to a point, but when I blow, it's nuclear.

I've known this person basically all my life, and she never flakes out like this. And she made me feel horrid when I asked, an hour after we normally meet up, whether it was still going on ... I know she didn't mean to, but this is getting boring. I'm a single mum who works full time, if we arrange something that's probably the first time in weeks I'm doing anything for me.

So now I'm torturing myself with the New Moon DVD. And I'm off to sleep.

No one's allowed to bail tomorrow. Or I might do something stupid.

So ... stuff

First of all, sorry for my short, pissy post yesterday. It's just ... I hate Wednesdays. With a passion. We're understaffed and have more customers than they expect and you're lucky to get a break ... I thought, with England playing, it'd be better. In the afternoon at least. But no, it meant everyone got complacent and we had no one in when the crowds came. I didn't even stop when the game was on, all I saw was the instant replay of the goal, because I was having a drink when someone started yelling from our staffroom. And I know I can't quit Wednesday's because they'll be even worse that way.

But still. I've had krispy kremes, I feel better. And, mock the week has started again and I love mock the week. Russell Howard is strangely fit.

So anyway, The Bridesmaid pact.

I think my first problem was, I saved this kind of book for after Our tragic universe, thinking that would be strenuous and I'd need to chill out. But it wasn't so much, more disatisfying, so I didn't need the chill out book. I needed the actual challenge.

So everything was predictable. And not just for chick-lit. Not just because I knew pretty early on what each character's issue was. Oh no, Julia Williams went further. She has 4 protagonists. 2 have met their soulmates and married them. 2 of them have met their soulmates and screwed it up for 15 years. 2 of them have babies. 2 don't. They're all from an Irish Catholic family, except one, who was American and Catholic. Each of them moans about their own problems, but then feels bad about how crap life is for the other (tiiiiired reading!) and then the ending was twee. One who'd had an abortion and thought she'd lost her baby still had a baby. One was reunited with her father, no problems, when he left before her birth. The one who was ill went off to find this Suicide unit in Switzerland just to have a change of heart on the flipping plane and the other one left her cheating husband and moved in with his brother, no problems really thought out.

Blah.

I'm having an early night now ... watching mock the week then off to sleep. I've got a driving lesson at 8, I start work at 9, then I'm outskies with the boy's godparents tonight. Oh and meeting some friends in London Saturday. And covering someone's shift before going out for someone's leaving do Sunday. And probably no lay in Monday to recover either, lol.

Shorty, shorty

I haven't talked much about books of late, have I?

I've ploughed my way through 'The Bridesmaid Pact'. It was okay, but not surprising. I expect too much of some writers, I guess.

I'm a grumpy bunny atm. I won't go into it. But even though I laughed, the stress ball by my station wasn't that funny. Especially since you're meant to be more responsible than me ...

I'm off to get booze I shouldn't drink.

Inspiration #4

I love Maggie.

Not the same way I love Jake, but still.

She's quirky (and another slightly weird-looking actor) and I can relate, on some level to her. Boy is only a few months younger than her Ramona, maybe that's why.

I remember all my friends in high school going nuts over The Secretary. I didn't watch it until uni. I'll never look at worms the same way again.

I loved her in Stranger Than Fiction, this speech she made about why she paid only a percentage of her taxes cracked me up. Obviously, I know she didn't write it, but she delivered it with such panache. Will Farrell looked amateur next to her, in my opinion.

The first film I saw her in was Donnie Darko too, since she played Jakes older sister (ZOMG, it's like they're related or something!) she's played sibling roles with him before that too.

She was good in World Trade Centre, and Mona Lisa Smile ... I put up with Julia Roberts for her. That's true love. Did help that Kirsten Dunst, Topher Grace and Julia Stiles were all in it, I guess.

I've got a few of her films I haven't watched yet. I'm going to spend a few nights catching up on the 50 DVDs I have that I haven't watched (!!!), including 40 days and 40 nights, and Away we go (both Maggie's).

I don't know why I love Maggie. Apart from the aforementioned quirkiness. She's so up-beat and off-beat and I love her sense of individualism. All qualities I'd like to believe I have.

Breakfast, Brunch, and Brinner.

I seem to only have eaten breakfast today. Cereal for breakfast, a sausage bagel and hash brown for my break (at 10.30. Score! Bagel was better than I imagined ... so much cheese ...) and dinner was a fry up.

So today, on a food level, was a total win. Oh, and my friend bought me fudge. I love fudge. It's vanilla fudge too. I want to go eat it now, since I started talking about it. Seaside fudge is the best.

But yeah. Anyway. I mentioned in an earlier blog I have 2 types of relationships with people, chummy-chummy or sarky-sarky. I was talking to a sarky-sarky friend earlier, and she basically shut me out of work. And I bust up my hand banging on the door to get back in. And had to crawl out and go around to get back in work. But basically, I'm mad about my hand. Cue silent treatment. I'm clearly very mature. This'll last as long as the swelling does.

Oh, and I just created a justgiving page, am doing a fundraiser for the charity who support the hospital who saved my life. I think I'm optimistic with the amount I said, but I reeeeally wanna help out.

I have no idea how to end this, lol. Don't know that there's anything more I wanted to say.

Clothes

This is one little quick post for a friend ... Jo and I have been obsessing over these tops, and Cassie wanted to see them ... but there's no pictures online, so I tried to upload the pictures on my phone ... but Chesney's not playing ball right now.

So this is the post I'm using. Ignore otherwise, I just thought I should explain myself, lol.

I'll be linking this to the site we were talking about it on.

Inspiration #3

I'm going to throw a curveball.

I like Daniel Radcliffe.

Okay, okay, so I'm a PotterDork, we all know that. I've practically forced my family into Hogwarts 31st July (we're flying 29th. We're resting first day out there, so Hogwarts is first) ... that's Harry Potter's birthday, by the way (and J.K.Rowling's. I expect so much out of 31st July).

I'm making boy listen to all the books. We're on chapter 13 of book 5 now.

I have about 2 copies of the DVDs, and the blu-rays. multiple shirts, the chess board, wands, the time turner ... obsessed is just about right (although, as you can clearly see, there is more to my life than Harry).

But still. Daniel isn't Harry. He just plays him (kinda poorly) in the films. Yeah, I said kinda poorly, it's not Dan's fault ... everyone in the books had a little more personality than Harry. I think Dan plays him best when he's a little vacant, since Harry seems to spend all his time brooding (but, he does comedic acting well, his best Potter scene was definitely in the sixth where he took the potion ... the spider impression cracked me up in an otherwise shoddy take of my favourite of the series).

I've seen other things he's been in. Extra's, my boy Jack (he was such an ungrateful, spoilt brat in that, it was brilliant, lol), December boys ... his Australian accent is way better than Robert Pattinson's American one. Dan can't sing - he has to do it in one scene to get it on with this girl and he makes me sound good. Not an easy feat!

I wanted to see him in Equus. I know everyone made a fuss of that just because Harry Potter was taking his clothes off, but it's used in one brilliant scene of We need to talk about Kevin (and that's one of my favourite books) so I was intrigued.

We were down in SoHo the day before the doors opened, for Katie's birthday. She wanted to go clubbing in SoHo and as we were looking for a decent club, we walked passed the back door, crowded with people, and then the front (we'd wondered about the crowd) ... we let off party poppers for Katie but I bet people thought it was because we were making a fuss of Equus. We found a club in the end.

Anyway, Daniel ... I don't know. He's weird looking and too breathy when he acts and like I said, has that vacant look ... and I should slag him off for all the above, but I find it endearing. I watch and go 'n'awwwwwh, Dan!' ... maybe it's because everyone's seen him acting since he was 10? Everything he does will be cute from now on.

Claire thinks we met him once. I like the story, even though I don't think it's true. It was just as Philosopher's Stone was getting a lot of attention, a few weeks before cinematic release. Claire and I were really into the science museum in South Kensington, so my dad took us. We convinced him to let us on this little simulator, and after queuing for ages, we squished in. The ride was crappy, built for 4 people max (there were 7 of us in there) ... when we got out, Claire went 'did you see who you were sitting next to?' (you mean, the little boy I was trying not to squish? no) 'it was Daniel Radcliffe'.

I'm still not sure I believe her, but saying I almost squished Dan Radcliffe sounds better than I didn't. I wish I had looked properly ... just to know (and to give him a taste for what women bugging him endlessly would be like) ... I miss being 14 ...

Sorry for the above picture. It was one of the few he didn't look amazingly weird in. He still kind of does ...

Who needs routine anyway?

Okay, so music is pretty big with me. Not as huge as some of my friends, but still pretty big.

There's this quote, I forget which book now, it's either Sarah Dessen or Lindsey Kelk, which goes 'if you say you like all music, it's because you haven't fallen in love with a style yet'.

Basically, you can listen to all types of music, but there should always be one style that stands out, or else you'll never really appreciate music.

I like most music. I'm very give-and-take on rap and r&b, house and club music. There are few tracks I like. I love pop as a guilty pleasure, but my all time favourite is punk-pop. I like country and jazz and old-fashioned rock'n'roll, I can take emo and screamo and opera. Musicals make me happy, soundtracks account for half my music collection (I first heard mest on Bring It On). I like instrumentals too - Vivaldi's 4 seasons got me through my A levels. Sixties music, Eighties music, some 20's swing ... like it all.

So it's a little bit of a change that I'm currently uploading 'r&b clubland' onto my computer. Buuuut, although there's a few turkeys on there, it's practically a collection of all the songs I can tolerate in the genre. So why the heck not?

Don't worry, I'll most likely follow it up with a good dose of NFG.

All of today was a change from the routine. Boy got me decorating biscuits this morning. There was one my brother-in-law had done y-fronts on, and boy had bitten the head off. So I put red icing on the neck wound. It looked amazing.

And boy and I decided to go get more decorating stuffs, and as I was off to get dressed (at midday), I got a text about going kiting ... and thought 'why the heck not?' (I was running out of ideas for decorations) so we went kiting/football with some work peeps.

Was good, I think boy loved the idea of having a huge field to run around in. Freedom tastes extra sweet when you're 2, I guess. He found this little path in some trees and had me running up and down it with him for a good half hour. And we both tried kiting, but he stopped when it dragged him on the ground and he started crying (don't worry, boy wasn't allowed to do it unsupervised, that kite pull got me too) ... it reminded me of how you hold the poles when skiing, how you square the reins to your body and use your torso for the direction ... which just makes me miss skiing (and it's been ten years since I went. I was awesome on the slopes, after the first day of falling on my ass and almost quitting). He made me laugh, when he called everyone either 'man' or 'girl' even though I told him their names. I think he heard 'blah blah man, blah blah girl, blah blah blah' ... which is what he normally hears when I talk.

We still got biscuit decorating crap. Cost me a good £30, but it keeps him quiet for a morning, so it's money well spent, lol.

Definitely beats constantly pulling him away from the TV. A whole day without Alvin, Toy Story, Spongebob, Penguins of Madagascar, Bob The Builder, In the night garden ... you have no idea how good that feels!

No words.

Just ... I have no words.

But an extra 4 hour shift over the busy period tomorrow (anything to fund my dunkin' donuts habit when I go to Florida)

*speechless*

... I probably shouldn't have watched Brothers. That was messed up.

Woe is me :(

I keep coughing.

My hayfever's ridiculous.

I burnt my finger and have no recollection of doing it. Some fat must have splashed onto my finger or something.

I smashed my elbow on a piece of metal that wasn't sticking out. I can't stretch my arm all the way out without it hurting.

And I kicked my dodgy toenail when slipping on a wet floor. Everyone heard me yell out, and everyone reacted the same when I said I'd kicked it - 'eww' (I might have talked about my toenail before) it's almost off. It's sort of interesting under there, but mainly disgusting. I can't balance properly anymore.

Oh, and then I tortured myself with the England/Algeria game. Are you freakin' kidding me? We're a terrible team. Sorry, we need to get over ourselves (maybe then we'd have a decent, hard-working team). Did like watching Beckham mouthing the words 'Oh, fuck off Ref' right at the end. Enjoyed the boy watching the game more. "Come on England football!" ... toddlers are awesome. When they're not waving books in your face for reading and you're a)coughing b)bunged up and c)watching the football (I love him, but I'd read before the match, at half time, and at bedtime too).

Life's not completely terrible though. I won't be blogging tomorrow, since I'm 'celebrating' 5 years at work (if no managers were reading, I'd say commiserating, lol) ... I'm going to town on the TGI cocktails, even if no one else does! Got to get an outfit still ... oh, and I'm seeing some of the mcfans next Saturday! Wish the other two were coming, but they both already have plans. Still ... it's been way, WAY too freaking long!

By the way ...

You'll notice, now, wherever I mention a book I've read, film I've seen or actor I want to talk about in particular ... I'll be pasting pics like crazy. Go back entries, I'm sticking them wherever I see fit.

I'm just making the blog prettier, is all!

Inspiration #2

I need to feel better.

Jake Gyllenhaal makes me feel better.

I'm going to talk about Jake Gyllenhaal.

He's my favourite actor. Ever.

Once, in high school, someone asked me which actor I thought was most attractive, and all my favourite actors then were comedic actors and they ent pretty. I couldn't answer, because I didn't really look at actors like it.

Until Jake.

The first film I saw of his was Donnie Darko. We were analysing shows at uni, there was a theme but I can't remember. Someone did Requiem Of A Dream. We did an episode of Wire In The Blood which involved Barbies in bondage? Sign of what this serial killer had done to his victims. Anyway, someone else picked the cinema scene in Donnie Darko, where he learns about time travel from Frank?

It freaked me out, but the time travel aspect intrigued me, even if Frank's eye was disgusting. First pschological thriller I ever bought (I hate horrors. They don't scare me, but they wind me up. I don't like the way my nerves are on edge from the music or something). It was so good. Kind of like reading a Scarlett Thomas, where you sit back and go 'what?' and then watch again to understand. And again and again and get the directors cut and a book analysing the film.

I can't remember the next Jake film I saw. But as I watched his films, I noticed something about him. About the way he picks scripts. We need to disregard Bubble Boy, but otherwise, all his films have something 'different' in the scripting. And edge or an idea not explored. He likes working on films that are based on books (Brokeback Mountain, Jarhead) or biographies, reports of things that have actually happened (Jarhead, Zodiac, Rendition), he'll portray the writers, or sometimes he'll work on films that have huge ideologies, the significance of Catcher In The Rye to the American teen, the idea of finding a proof to work out the next prime number in any given sequence without working out the multiples (The Good Girl, Proof) ... every film he does is thought-provoking in some way. And he is a hottie, so it's aesthetically and mentally satisfying.

Basically, I want to marry Jake Gyllenhaal. But if I met him, I'd be worried he wouldn't be as inspiring as his work. Apparently he does plays in London a lot too? I'd love to go find one and check him out. Like, see him craft something on stage, in real time. He and his sister seem pretty down to earth about the whole Hollywood thing too, which I guess is down to having a script-writing mother and a director father. And an acting Godmother (Jamie Lee Curtis).

Oh, and he was so humble about losing one of his best friends, when everyone in Hollywood was clambouring to give a Heath Ledger soundbit, everyone on Brothers said he was too upset to talk. And he took on another man's kids when he started seeing Reese Witherspoon ... that makes him such a huge hero in my eyes.

Why can't I meet Jake Gyllenhaal, goddammit? Or at least someone like him.

Angry mode ... warning!!!

Grrrrr, today has not been my best day.

Seriously, the best thing that happened today was I served Brian, the guy who won Big Brother a few years ago? He was such a lovely guy too. I didn't gawk and point and ask stupid questions, but I was an awesome server.

But otherwise? Boy was clingy when I dropped him off at nursery. Sort of. He was glassy eyed and stary and I thought 'crap, we're going to have to turn around and go home aren't we?'

I hate seeing my baby ill. He's so floppy and lifeless and not the cheeky, cheery, singy, chatty little man I spend 99% of my time with.

But he stayed, and went for a hug with one of the girls who works at the nursery.

And I went to work, and served Brian, and then Claire came in and I tried to be nice to her and she was a little bitch back. Fine.

And then we got a mystery shopper, and I had to serve him. I hate the mystery shopper bit, not because I don't agree with the principal, but the managers get stressed and it's the pressure of hitting full marks. I'm not sure I hit one of the targets, looking back. So we fail and get punished and basically it's my fault. I know I'm one of our strongest servers, but that's not the point.

And then, on my break, nursery called. Boy's temperature was almost 39C. They can't give calpol, so I had to go get him. I gave him ice cream, and a juice with ice, and calpol, and let him watch his Bob the Builder DVD but he still wasn't right.

Oh, and I've been feeling like crap all day too. My throat feels like I swallowed 2 golf balls, and every time I swallow, it hurts like crazy. Every time I cough - and I've got those awful coughs from the chest - it makes it worse. And my dodgy toenail is almost off. I couldn't wear my socks without 2 plasters today, but it gives me these stabbing pains and I was limping anyway.

And by the time it got to bedtimes boy decided he was well. No dice. I spent an hour, with the aformentioned sore throat, trying to read to the boy. And he still wasn't tired. But I really, really fricking was.

And my mamma comes home just after he goes to bed, when I'm all set up to finally chillax since I woke up at 6 this morning (and this was about 9) and Claire starts being a bitch again. My conversation with mamma, where were you on the guest list Claire?

So I'm still in a bad mood. And trying to upload itunes again. And want to get the zylom funpass because their games are amazing on this laptop, but I've already expired 2 trial games.

It's better than this crap film Claire's put on. My Super Ex Girlfriend. I bought the DVD without seeing the film, and regretted it ever since. Oh Uma Thurman, what were you thinking?

Emotional

I am so in love with Chesney! Hahaha, there's a phrase I never thought I'd say.

Although, the whole caps sign in the corner is getting annoying. I know, okay, Ches mate? That's why I put it on. And then took it off. Reptitively. Are you going to do this when I open word?

I got angry today though. More angry at myself, or just circumstances? I was meant to finish early, I had a 6 hour shift. I've spotted some stuff I'd like to get for Florida and was looking forward to a few minutes shopping. Or coming home and uploading more itunes.

But nope, got let go an hour late. Which is fine, really, since I need the cash for Florida. But I needed the loo, and when I went I found a voicemail from the nursery saying boy had a temperature. Could I come get him? They called half hour before my shift should have finished. So I went back all panicky because checking the phone is one thing, calling back is another, and asked to be let go.

And then this really pushy girl was like 'hey, it's my hometime, see ya!' ... umm, no, if I waited a freaking hour, and I'm only just freaking out, you can wait ten minutes while I, and the other girl who started before you, get out. Serve some people. Clean up. Whatever.

Sorry, it's just ... you need some level of understanding that timings are flexible in our work. Especially with one manager on (she's nice enough when we're not working, but sometimes when running the shift ... hmmmmm). I tried to have that, and then ... I felt like a bad mum. I mean, it was a missed call, they happen all the time, but I keep my phone on me just for the nursery. I got a text, and ignored it, and email updates, facebook nudges ... ignored them all. Didn't hear the phone call. It makes me feel like a bad mum.

Oh, and when I was calling my parents while the nursery line was busy to see if they'd heard from the nursery/gone to pick boy up, someone I haven't seen in a while walked passed and was like *loud happy voice* "HI!" and I bit her head off. I'm sorry hun, I was really, really freaking out about my sub-par parenting.

Someone else was talking about parenting on facebook. My reply to what she said probably sounded fairly bitchy ... she was saying how a good mum, a real mum, does everything for their kids. I said, but sometimes, it may not seem like it is for the kids, when it really is.

Like me, full-time working. Yes, I like to have something other than In The Night Garden to fill my day, but it's all for boy. I work in a job I feel nothing for, selling products I don't believe in, for next to nothing, to provide something for the boy. To feel like I earned all his toy story and Thomas crap. Yes I get tax credits, but 80% of them are because I bust a gut for my son, and get yelled at for events outside my control by people less well educated than me ... a few quid from the government is a fair exchange, believe me.

Or my driving lessons. It's a skill that goes on my CV, it's a sense of freedom I don't yet have. But my main reason for taking them is so when boy goes to clubs - and he's really, really desperate to go to karate - I get to take him. I don't rely on buses, or my parents, or spend a fortune on taxis. He's my responsibility, that's my responsibility.

Or discipline. I hate that word, but ... if I tell my son he can't have sweeties and he has a tantrum, that makes me a good parent. They'll rot his teeth. Tantrums don't work. Letting him cry then tempting him with his multiple toy cars once he's calmer do. I let boy get away with a lot, sure, but we both know when I draw the line. We both know the line is a scary place once crossed. We both also know, if I distract him from really naughty things, unless he's tired, the naughtiness stops. Distraction is the single best piece of advice I ever got as a new mum.

But you know what? Going out for a night is good parenting too. She'd probably disagree, but letting kids know that you're not there 24-7 prepares them for life. I'm not going to be in school. I won't be in uni. One day, I won't be there at all. And even though I think about him and talk about him constantly when I do go out, when I get back I'm recharged (unless I've been drinking, then I'm recovering) and a better mummy. Plus, I-missed-you cuddles are the best ever, especially with gentle, little arms around your neck.

Told you this post was a little emotional. I need to crawl into a hole or something.

Chesney!

I got my new laptop! It was due next Monday, and only shipped from China on Saturday, so I'm excited to have Chesney already :D

I keep looking at his memory, it saus '554 GB of 581GB free' ... ahhhh .... and OMFG, I've only got 550GB to play with!

JK, it's fine.

The sticky notes with windows 7 are pretty cool. I've uploaded my office 2007. We'll see how compatible it all is. They were promoting office 2010 after all ...

I'm uploading my itunes. Took Cadence long enough. Will take a while longer.

Not even started on my USB pens yet ... so will be a while before I write again. Or not, only have a short shift tomorrow.

I need a wee. And to work out how to do this snap feature. And realise explorer has it's own icon and I no longer need the menu.

I'm such a geek, but I don't care. I'm loving this. The buttons are bigger because Cadence was only 13 inches and Chesney's at least 17, so I'm typing a little slower anyway. That'll change, promise ...

Inspiration #1

I think I'm going to start a new series in here.

I talk about people who inspire me a lot, in terms of writing and those friends of mine who I love so much, and basically all their good attributes are things I admire.

But there's another group of people I admire. Actors. So I'll start talking about the actors I like watching.

I'm using the modern term by the way, I am thinking women too.

Basically, I think I admire certain actors above others for their subtleties in understanding the way a writer or screenwriter has written a character. Or they pick good films, interesting films, in depth, unexplored storylines, over and over again. Likewise with the books, there are some actors balanced by others, who do fluffy, light pieces that I enjoy in the meantime. That doesn't diminish their art, because they're providing something I use. It just classes them in a different category. I've got no time for people who think soap actors aren't as good as Shakespearian thespians. If you can take on a role and play it convincingly (or not, you're just pretty to watch), the scripting almost doesn't matter. Almost (the scripting always matters).

I'll start with one I've mentioned previously.

Olivia Hallinan.

She's my favourite female actor. I used to watch CITV rather than go to lectures (because at 19, I was mature and making responsible decisions) and I saw Girls in Love. She played Ellie, the lead character in that.

She looked her age, about 19, when she was meant to be playing a 13 year old, but it still didn't ruin the show. When she did her to-camera bits, she looked a little awkward, but maybe she was just cringing that this was her first 'big' role.

When she did Sugar Rush, she surpassed the GIL stuff. Because she wasn't so awkward and embarrassed, she made the character convincing. I didn't watch much of the later series, I can't remember why now, but I loved what I saw. She did the fawning puppy act with one bird brilliantly, but when she got revenge on people it was like someone else took over.

She's in Lark Rise To Candleford now, playing an uptight teenager called Laura with a billion little brothers and sisters. Best episode was when the clock maker told her how repressed she was, so she took her hair out of a bun and it was like 'now I'm loose!' and he still shut her down. Her reactions in the scene were spot on.

I wish she did more stuff. Apart from talents, it's nice to see a)a redhead and b) a healthy looking girl on screen. And her name is almost as awesome as Nina Nanaah on the ITV news.

Now, how's that for timing?

My new computer can't come quick enough. I can't upload files onto my USB to transfer over. I can upload word documents, so a lot of them have gone on USB. And I'll have to change important photo's and word programmes and PDF's that way, bit by bit. At least I can library share my itunes, so no worries about my music going awry.

I was writing away happily earlier, thought I'd lost a file yesterday, and searched through everything. Found it first thing today and started bashing away happily on my keyboard. Then my battery ran low, so I charged it, and left it to feed the boy (who'd been running between the DVD player, his play room, and the garden happily. Boys are so easy, cars, balls, open spaces. All they need) and when I tried to start writing an hour ago ... nothing. Read-only. Then it lost it's file name (seriously? SERIOUSLY? How can you lose a file name but still be an open file?) so I opened the named file. Same info on it. I decided to give the writing stuff a rest. I wanna hammer the crap out of my keys, but apparently not.

I can't get along with 'the boyfriend pact'. I don't know why. Maybe because they're all whinging nonstop about their issues because one has MS and another obviously got raped and is now having IVF and the other's married to a serial cheater and the other one's just a bitch. I thought this was chick-lit? It's not meant to make me react this way, it's meant to make me go 'awwwh, that's nice' and laugh and hope the girl gets the guy. Nothing more. That's the entire point of chick-lit.

At least I have Harry to read too. I'm having new thoughts as I read Deathly Hallows, like the whole Harry-Hermione relationship, I can kinda see it through Ron's eyes, if that makes sense? Never have before. Makes it refreshing.

Still ... maybe I should've just gone straight from 'Our Tragic Universe' to 'Anna Karenina' ... but I do like to balance the thought-provoking books for some easy-reading. Maybe OTU just didn't have the impact I was expecting, so I'm thirsty for something more?

Thoughts?

Oh dear.

I have bloggers block.

I'm not helping myself, by watching Extra's. The Daniel Radcliffe one (wahey!) ... Warwick Davis is awesome in it.

I was watching 'The Perfect Catch' earlier too. Which is based on a Nick Hornby book which was made into a film with Colin Firth anyway. But it's Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon's alright.

I am writing though. 92 pages of Wilting (awhhhhsummmmmm!) ... but since the style's different, it's only 20,000 words. So a fifth of the other two, not a third. Still ... it's harder to write.

I wish I felt more inspired to write in this right now. I thought about doing one of those friends ones, but they need me to be inspired, and I'm not atm. Don't want to sell anyone short.

I am still here!

I'm such an obsessive blogger, aren't I?

I am still here, I promise. Yesterday I got sick again. I had a sore throat through my driving lesson, and my sinuses got clogged, and I felt nauseous, and I fell over and hurt myself to boot. And basically, I fell asleep at 8.30 last night.

And today we chillaxed in the morning, went to work's funday, then last minute boy's Godfather invited me out for football/party ... so I've been at a Golf Club all evening. My eyes are tired from my contacts.

I'll write properly tomorrow. I'm re-reading the Deathly Hallows while reading this bridesmaids book, so there's nothing huge going on in the reading/writing department (though, I have to ask, L, have you looked at the memory stick yet?) ... haven't had the time, or the wellness. I've only got a short shift wednesday, might be able to push on with it all. Or crack the tarot stuff out, maybe?

Relationships

Relationships confuse the fuck out of me.

First case and point, my mother. She stuck on Big Brother and has now gone to bed and I'm still up and Big Brother's still on? But never mind.

At my work, relationships are pretty complicated. They always have been. Like when I was with boy's dad, his best friend's girlfriend was one of my friends. I'm still friends with her, but neither of us are with either of them. Since actually spending time in my home town (which, before I left uni, hadn't happened since the age of six. I've always been schooled at a 10 mile distance, minimum, and therefore had hardly any connection with this town except it has my bed in it) I've noticed that everyone in this town just knows everyone. Except my family, we're kind of an anomoly to everyone else. Unless you're in the town I went to Primary in, you'll know the whole family there *shrugs*.

I think I have pretty good relationships with most people. When your my friend, our relationship is normally dictated by one of two types of behaviour on my part. I'm either really nice, approachable, chatty, bubbly. Or I take the piss as and when I can create an opportunity, and seem like a huge bitch. I think the latter applies if I think you can take the baggage. I don't treat you better if I like you more, I don't bitch at you because I think you'll understand me better. If I don't talk to you ever ... yeah, we're clearly not going to be friends, because I can't be bothered to be either way with you.

There aren't many people I give the silent treatment to, by the way. Crazy guy who cut in front of me on the walk to work this morning, and despite 'My life would suck without you' by Glee pounding my ears, he thought we could have a chummy talk about the fact the local high school kids use the underpass that leads to their school. Wrong, crazy, I want to hear Glee. This is one of my favourite songs they've done. I'm not following you either, I just can't outwalk you. Stop looking. I don't care.

Sigh.

Anyway, I was talking to one of my chummy-chummy girls earlier, and she shocked me (I really have to stop being shocked by the kinds of revelations I get at work. Basically, everyone I like hates each other and people who I can't see as friends spend all their time together. And half of them have slept with the other half, more or less. These factoid doesn't go in. They should love each other, because I love them. Simple) by saying one of my other chummy-chummy friends hates her. I sat there thinking 'whyyyyyy?' and she told me why and ... it's just insulting. To both of them, and anyone else involved. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen, I don't know. They're both so bubbly, you'd think they'd get on. But apparently not. But then another girl we were talking with said something about one of her good friends (I'm purposefully holding back the details, because I know what'll happen next time I work with Lizzy ... 'what're you talking about on your blog?' ... mehhhh) ... anyway, so it basically turns out I know shit all about people.

And then my friend who does so much for this one celebrity has messaged me because she's going crazy at his team's lack of organisation. She thinks they're making her look stupid, because she's doing all this stuff and getting contradicted all the time. It's such a minefield, trying to think how she should approach the people to tell them to get their act together without coming across as bitchy. I could never do what you do, I just don't have the patience. But I'm here, always.

But ... thank goodness for one friend. I've been plotting this entry since the aforementioned conversation with absolutely no details, and then Joanne goes and messages me on facebook and ... n'awwwwh! She said she misses our online chats and she's going to send me a blue nose friend I don't have (although, I'd prefer it in person .... we really have to get organised) and just general loveliness and ... this is the kind of relationship that makes all the other pitfall-ridden relationships worth it. And someone else was reminiscing about the first time we all met, in Thorpe Park, and ... God I miss my friends. Distance is a bitch.

Sorry I've been so profane this entry. I do try to tone it down, since I can't swear at work, and can't swear in front of the boy ... I probably will continue to do so.

Because there are more relationships driving me nuts right now. Like, how much can you take from one person and still not expect to give back? I see it happening daily, but it's not worth it to speak up, and it makes me sick that it's not. I think sometimes some people have blinkers on when it comes to other people ...

... and then, like with my driving instructor ... how do you know if you're letting people down, messing people about? I texted with the times I could do this week, and he sent back a text confirming ... but I think I had to text back confirming the confirmation? If I said I could do one time and you say you can do that time ... doesn't it go without saying? How far do these confirmations go? It's like sending thank you cards for thank you cards after you've given someone a present or helped them somehow or something. Or when I lent Claire my boyfriend jacket, then she left it in my room and I said thanks, so she said thanks, and I said what? because I didn't hear her. So she said thanks again. And then so did I.

I think I need to be alone for like, a day. And then with the mcfans for another day.

Then, I might be normal, and have a decent perspective.

Blogs

I'm going to try and drown out the sounds of my mother watching the freaks on Big Brother with the sound of my typing.

I want to talk about the blogs I read. I read a few.

One of them, an old friend from high school writes. We used to be part of the same clique (she was our queen bee). She spends most of her time on her blog slating celebrities. A lot of it is quite funny, but some of it's just harsh. But that, I guess, is the nature of women. From what I gather, she and a couple of the rest of our clique are really into Twilight, which makes me wonder how that all turned out. I was the geeky one, in all the rubbish trends, and they all took the piss. That was our thing. But now ... really, Twilight? I mean, yeah I read it, but ... I was suffering pretty badly when I did. And I was still pretty derisive. My mind boggles over that factoid. Anyway, she doesn't update much, and I think a lot of people just stopped reading her blog because it takes her so long to update. She says she's busy but ... aren't we all, these days? IDK, she's chosen a theme to her blog that you do need to be on the ball for. Look at how much Perez Hilton updates his blog.

One of them is by one of my Norwegian friends. Some of her comments - most of them - are written in Norwegian but I can get the gist of most of them. I know a few Norwegian words, and even less sentences. It's nice to read though, I'm not always great at staying in touch with her so her blog is a great way to keep updated. She doesn't have a theme, but that's kind of refreshing. I think blogs do better with a theme, but only if you're allowing yourself to deviate sometimes. But why can't the theme just be life in general?

Those two blogs are on WordPress btw. Not BlogSpot.

There's one I got into recently. For a laugh, I thought I'd check out 'Blogs Of Note' and came across 'the bitchy waiter'. It's such a good read, since I can relate to most of the things they blog about. People are trying to guess the sex of this person, but as they blog about the perils of working in the food service industry, maybe it's best they remain anonymous and androgynous. They've already said a fair bit about the type of restaurant they work in, is probably best not to go into specifics. They're hysterical anyway. That's what counts.

And then there are my friends on here:

Poppy Coburn (not her real name. I know her as Laurender Brown, she knows me as Nymphzeedora Tonks. Guess what book we love, lol) writes about clothes. She tried to do the 100 clothes in 100 days challenge, but she also talks about her purchases, vintage shops, etc etc. She's got a job in Toast, so I guess it's only fitting she blogs about clothes. She always has the nicest stuff on when I see her. Wish I could pull off the stuff she does.

"Lizzy" is my one work friend whose blog I read/know about. She posted on her facebook that she'd send the link if people replied and I did, so I feel honoured, lol. Her blog is like my Norweigan friend's, about day-to-day life. She says she tends to write when she's feeling negative. She hasn't posted a lot lately. It's the one time I'd say it was good not to see any new blog posts, lol.

And "Joanne" is the other person's blog I read. She used to have several, and the BlogSpot ones she had to invent for university, one was about her favourite music, and the other was all about positivity and her observations about life. That one she continues even past university. She's blogged about Barcelona and Barbeques lately though.

I miss my LiveJournal buddies though. Cassie and Joanne and Poppy and our other friends are all on there ... feel like I'm missing out. Wish I knew why LiveJournal kicked me off :(

Strange collection of brief thoughts

Radox+jaffa cakes+new chicklit (that I honestly didn't buy in my ban on the BOGOF offer at tesco)= great bath.

Next time I get a lighter, I'm not letting boy's Godfather anywhere near it. He's buggered up my Fightstar lighter. I couldn't have my yankee candle in the above formula (would have changed the equation to 'perfect bath') ... unacceptable.

Also unacceptable - certain disorganised companies treating my friends like rubbish. It's voluntary, they do so much, don't treat them like crap. At least say thanks ... even I'm going off you.

Fired Up is a weird film. Thanks again, boy's Godfather.

I really think my big toe nail is going to fall off soon. It wobbles, and has ripped right across. It's only held on by the skin underneath, but there's half a nail under it so I may be sick.

I want to write. So bad. But never get the time now summer's here and boy thinks he can stay up all night.

I fell in love with New Found Glory last night, all over again. The Truth Of My Youth is something I always connect with, for some reason. Why don't you get it together now, Failure's not flattering ... (also an awesome song) ...

I wish Dell would email me. I applied for a new computer, using a company discount, but I also went for the monthly payment option and that needed some loan or other and they're "making their decision" over today and tomorrow. Please stop the torment, I've already got the moolah sorted!

Certain guy on facebook I've been pretty good friends with last few years - stop being a douche. So you don't like it, get off my damn status from last week. Get Over It. I already am, you're just irritating now.

Tonight's pizza will come back to haunt me tonight. Fun times, fun times!

Lydia

I'll talk about at least one work friend :) I'm trying to do it so it's at least one from each group of friends at a time. So no one feels horribly left out or something. Should they ever read this.

To talk about Lydia, I really have to talk about Ben first. You'll get why, don't worry.

When I went back to work after having my boy, I was pretty worried. I couldn't remember much about the actual work, and most of my friends had upped and left in my time on maternity leave, like Alex, Alex, and Amy, and other people I was used to, like Nikki and Colin. Nikki had been store manager, and during my absence, Steve D had been put in charge. I'd worked for him when I just started and my then store manager, Ty, was having a sabbatical, but it was different knowing he was there permanently, not for three months only.

So I was pretty quiet when I started back, trying to relearn everything, trying to get to know new people, and sticking to those who I knew (like Kim, Robo, Vicky). One of the new guys was winding me up almost from the get go. He kept calling me 'new girl'. I told him I wasn't new, I'd been there about three years, I'd had a baby. He started calling me new girl on purpose. This is Ben by the way.

But I got on with him, even if calling me 'new girl' when I'd been there longer was so irritating. He was funny, and pretty easy-going, and since I was worried that with the new management in place work wouldn't be fun any more, it was nice to have him around. He talked a lot about going into the army, which always made me want to tell him about my cousin, also called Ben, who'd had to quit training for the army because of a fractured femur (you can pass that along Lyds) ... he's now a special constable or something in the army? Like army police or something. Anyway ... I didn't put too much stock in it, everyone talks about leaving the second they start. He's now a manager, so my perspective's spot on (don't tell him that!).

Don't get me wrong, here. I got on well with Ben, he made me laugh, made closes that much shorter, but he was kind of a man-whore, I had no interest there. I've kind of sworn of males for the next few years, boy is a pretty big handful. It's the next bit that makes the above significant.

Beacuse then I got sick, and blahblahblah ... I came back and first thing one person says to me is Ben's engaged. Ben the man-whore. Engaged to someone at work. Someone called Lydia.

I thought she was superwoman. Honest to God. She tamed the wild beast. I would've thrown myself on the floor in worship of all the women who have never managed that (like, certain boy fathers, for example). So when I met her a couple of days later it was like 'ahhhhhhhh!'

Okay, at first I got Lydia muddled up with our friend Devon. But they were both in hats, and freckled. But both super-nice, so it's okay ;) I admit, I built up Lydia in my head a tad since I heard that news before I met her, but she's a sweetheart, so she didn't disappoint, she'll be pleased to read.

So I got to know her for her, not out of some burning curiousity to know what kind of magic she used. I like her more than Ben (I don't care if you tell him that, haha). She's one of those people who, when you know she's about, you just feel happier. There's a few people like that at work, where you read the schedule and if their names are on it, you know whatever the actual day of business is like, it's going to be a Good Day. For me - Lydia, Dale, Jess, Powers, Archer, Taylor, Downsy, Dawn, Lloyd, Georgia, Sophie, Ben, Jade, Ellis and Omo are on the Good Day list. There are more, I'm sure, but not off the top of my head. She's a little ray of sunshine.

In some ways, she reminds me of the book I keep stopping and starting, On The Road. Our friend Jess is an explorer, she's never satisfied unless she's doing something. On the go non-stop ... and since there's been good weather, they've been talking, at work, on facebook, on blogs, abotu all the stuff they're doing, all the stuff they're planning to do. The positivity in life is infectious. If I didn't love reading and writing so much, and didn't have to stagnate to do both, I'd be right there with them ... but hey, I knew the consequences of my actions when I had my boy. I just hope that Lydia - and Jess - have fun when they go travelling. And a stick of rock is an excellent way to say 'we miss you homebody' ...

Oh, another thing I like about Lydia is that she's really patient. If I'm in a pissy mood (which is pretty frequent, but less so now another manager has transferred out, since we used to clash ALL the time) she'll sit there talking me into a calmer mood. It doesn't take long. Like I said, Lydia's magic.

And just for you Lydia, since I pay attention: Carpe Diem!

Steven W.

I'm back to this series. I actually thought I'd talk about Lydia or Kim or someone else from work next, but nope, Steve it is.

I should start by saying, I know a freaking lot of Steve's. I even had a kid with a Steve. But not Steve W. Don't worry about that.

Steve W is one of the few Steve's I know from outside work. I infact met him at uni.

I saw him a couple of times in my first year. Mest hat, GC hoodie. You know when you see someone and just think 'but you're meant to be my mate!' Steve. At the time, I was so into GC and mest, I could've chewed his ear off all day, lol.

We didn't work together until near the end of first year. They did a taster day for second year TV, and we were two of the people who went, if I remember rightly (I think I do. My friend Jenny was there too, and she's the girl who I never stopped talking to once I got started/played viscious chess games with, so it's hard to actually remember.)

We were in the same TV group second year. So we got talking (because I had loads of mest and NFG and green day stuff too), with the rest of the people in the group (10 girls, 5 boys total, 4 of the guys were from Sheffield, half the girls were from Essex. It's like they rigged it or something. Most of the guys on our overall course went for radio or digital media instead of TV, which was why they were out-numbered) ... a hell of a lot of our group were into mcfly, I remember, so if we didn't have any ideas for our projects, we'd just talk about the latest CD/gig.

In third year, we both ended up majoring in radio. They were talking about projects we had to do in pairs or threes and at one point in the lecture he turned around and was like *mouthing, since the lecturer was still talking* 'you, me, punk'. So for 12 weeks we got to do work we actually liked, and pretty much avoided all our personal seminars for the topic, in true punk style, lol (or the direction from the lecturer was always the same and gave us nothing to work with and we figured, hey, we can do it on our own, we both spent the last 2 summers doing make-up work anyway. We did our practical work together too, it made the most sense. He was having the same issues I was having with my dissertation, in that I hadn't been given a lecturer to refer to and every time I emailed the guy in charge of assigning us, I was had a go at for not taking action sooner, rather than given any help. It was nice to have someone in the same boat.

He didn't really respect the system. Not in a 'bad boy' way. You had to seriously kiss ass to get anywhere at our uni. It was so competitive. And I'm competitive, but my kiss-ass is all piss-take. I wouldn't get anywhere straight-up brown-nosing. I didn't go to uni to steal our lecturers contacts, you know? But that, it seems, is how you got a first on our course. I'm glad he didn't buy into the whole system, it helped not to feel swallowed up by those that do.

He's one of the few people I've stayed in touch with since leaving uni. I've got my third year housemates and Jenny on facebook, but apart from seeing each others status' and whatnot, we don't really keep in touch. But I do still talk to Steve. He's into a lot of the same bands as me and my BFFs, still. He's watching all the films I wanna go see if I had the chance (I will be making it to Prince of Persia though, dammit!) ... so even if I haven't actually been face to face with the guy for 4 years, it's nice to think that something came out of three years at university. Good to think that someone's at my level, in the same boat, and still a friend.

The short second life of Bree Tanner

You don't mind me blogging about this the day after it came out because I already finished, do you?

Got no choice, really. Just don't read if you want to read TSSLOBT. Save this post until after.

Excuse me while I take my diet cherry coke's virginity with amaretto before I start. Done *yum yum*

So ... Bree Tanner (I am not writing a full title every time, and can't c&p) ... hmmm ... I liked the personality of the character a little better than Bella. Basically, if Stephenie never writes about Bella, her writing is tolerable (Midnight Sun should've been published first). But still ... I don't know, with all the wow-ness factor of being a new vampire, would you really be that dumb? Or obtuse? She takes a long time to figure out she's going to die. And that the guy she fancied for an entire day before he disappeared has actually been killed by Victoria. There were huge logic gaps - Alice, in the original, never saw the Volturi leave until they had almost finished up, yet Jane and Felix were visiting Victoria 4 days before? PLOT HOLE. Ungh, if you can't get VampireLore right, at least memorise factiods in your own writing and change as neccesary.

I liked Jasper at the end. I thought Carlisle was Jasper at first, from the description, but when Jasper came along he was awesome, since he wanted to just out-and-out kill Bree and then acted like an ass to her for ages. So the Cullen's aren't perfect.

It felt like a lot of the time she was rushing about, trying to make Bree's story fit. It didn't flow as well as she'd probably have liked, but maybe they rushed this book through? I didn't buy the stuff about her and Diego. The Fred character, I thought she should have stuck with, she seemed to get along better with him. Bree was obviously the wrong character to have written about, because there was no actual reason for her to ditch Fred. Forcing the characters again *sigh*. Oh and there was this ship that was sunk after they gorged on all the passengers that was never mentioned in Eclipse.

Buuuut it did answer a couple of questions. Like how arrogant, wishes-he-was-God Edward would try and stick up for Bree (sorry, but in Midnight Sun, he's like 'all human thoughts are boring' then describes Rosalie looking at herself. Who the eff does he think he is to judge what's boring when he listens to vapid drivel like that? Silly Stephenie) and why the hell he would do that. And that power of Jane's actually gets described, which was pretty interesting, was like she made them relive the change.

All in all ... it was pretty much like the other stuff. Am glad I got it on serious discount from Tescos.

Now, when does Awakened come out?

Bad books

So ... today I went back to work. I hate going back to work after an illness. I want to say it right now:

I hate phone calls. When I used the phone for the first time, when I was ten, calling my best friend, she didn't know who I was. Either it was a bad connection or a bad friendship but still ... it put me off for life. These days, I can cope with calling, but answerphones are another matter. Using a system we have at work I'm slowly getting comfortable with the idea of basically talking to myself but all in all, I prefer in person or in letters. I hate phones.

So if I call in sick, I've spent a lot of time talking myself into just calling (and in some instances, calling and calling) to phone in sick. I'm obviously not doing it on a whim.

Also, if it's 20 degrees outside and I'm telling you I'm in bed all day ... do the math (and check the forearms. Still just the right side of pasty?)

I always get accused of bunking in back to work interviews. I don't know why. Sometimes, the only time I'm guaranteed five minutes of me time is on my break. I don't go out if I call in, so do daytime TV and spending time with my brother who doesn't work really sound that appealing?

I mean, the manager I spoke to is pretty decent, and he didn't sound like he was accusing me (this other manager we had once asked if I'd been hungover, and that was why I'd been sick. I've been out once this year drinking, and that wasn't that time. And I had no work next day, which was why I even went in the first place) ... but it did come up. Because it's half term and the weather's good and other people bunked off. I don't get half-term. My boy doesn't get half-term. I know my days in work when the weather's good won't be the only days we'll have sunshine. And I've only paid my parents for boy's airline ticket so far, so I kinda need the moolah for my own flight/spending money when I'm in Florida end of next month.

But my work are good at making you feel guilty. And since I said I need the cash and therefore only did it when neccesary, I've been roped into a shift tomorrow, outside my normal work patterns. I couldn't really say no, could I? But maybe that'll get me out of their bad books.

Speaking of bad books ... I got 'the short second life of bree tanner' today after work. I've only read thirty pages so far, and it seems to be pretty easy to work out the storyline so far. But it's all one chunk, there are no chapters or mid-page breaks (the second is what I can see anyway) and it's 178 pages long. It's just bad, so far, in that I have to look down the page to find my mark rather than rely on normal book break-points like I usually do. If I finished a page and marked the next one, I'm crap at remembering to start from the top.

Would occasional breaths have been so bad Stephenie? I get it, I do, Vampires don't sleep so why should Bree and she's so all-aware now that she's documenting every single second of her experience and there are no breaks. But I'm still human Stephenie, I'm still human ...

Huh

My head was spinning when I woke up. Had a cold bath and have been wearing this gorgeous blue dress I ordered from Joe Browns but still don't feel right. It's hard to know if it's just the bug or this weather too?

Claire had MTV: teen cribs on earlier. Interesting, but the screen still hurt my eyes.

Did something I haven't done for a looong while too, and picked up Deathly Hallows again. Me and the boy are on Order Of The Phoenix, I should be more patient, lol.

Like, I want to see if my computer's in stock yet, and get Alice in Wonderland ... but I can't. Not when I'm off work sick. Will be calling for a back to work interview for tomorrow though. 2 days is enough ... even if I still feel off. I need the money. And then if I'm on tomorrow's shift, I can go get it all after ... I had to cancel my driving lesson this morning too, thought if my head was that fuzzy, I shouldn't get behind the wheel. Feel like I let my instructor down though :(

Sick Day

Yeah, the flu got the better of me. I went to drop boy off at nursery in the car and couldn't keep my eyes open. Thank God I wasn't the one driving, right?

I slept most of today. That's helped. And watched glee.

The other day, I was looking over this tarot stuff, and you know what? It's actually pretty cool. It's not really future-telling, it's comforting. The cards have different meanings, depending what they're next to when laid for a reading (so if they're in 'past' position they may not mean the same when in 'problem' position). You think of a question as you shuffle, then cut cards. The position of the cards and the meanings they potentially have help spell out your problem, your situation, and a way of answering the question, but it does all come from how you see the cards.

My mum will still freak if she ever saw them. Meh. They seem like a great tool to help you come to conclusions you otherwise wouldn't, stating the obvious and whatnot.

And I've had a tarot reading once before. I thought the bird was bullcrapping me. I'd just started talking to Pete again, and gone on holiday to Florida (we do it every 12-18 months) and at the Pirates dinner show they had a tarot reader. She pulled out the lovers and wheel of fortune from my shuffling, and said fate had brought me and an ex to a place we could work together from, that it was better this time because we were both ready for it. Didn't quite get her, but I knew it would've been Pete anyway ... but I read the stuff about the wheel of fortune and the lovers and ... yeah, she knew her tarot dictionary lol. I never took it to mean anything more than Pete and I would be friends, btw, just that we were both probably ready to stop being stupid and start being friends again. Is kinda true, since we do speak often. Even if he did bail out on me the other day.

And boy's Godmother has bailed out of the zoo, until July. If I didn't feel so lousy, that'd get me there.

But I do, and the screen's hurting my eyes, but I wanted to do something other than sleep/stare at Glee or New Moon/drink soup.

I've calmed down.

Ish. I'm a little flu-y. I'm off to bed, since my manager has banned me from phoning in sick. Though if I get as bad as my mother, I will do.

Anyway, I called my other thread 'I need an intervention' because I spent too much this weekend on books.

I only went looking for Kate Brian's 'Scandal'. And the first time, I couldn't see it, though I saw another Kate Brian book. And 'Anna Karenina' (It's on the 50 books to read before you die list, and 'Our Tragic Universe' mentioned it endlessly) and another book I can't remember the title of atm. Is about two women who used to be criminals and how they've turned their lives around or not, basically.

And I tried again yesterday, and got it, and found this stand that was basically 'we think these books influenced Scarlett Thomas', stuff like 'the upside of irrationality' and 'quantum theory cannot hurt you'. So I have those. And a learners tarot book/card kit (I should explain, the bit about the devil card freaking me out, it's not because I think the devil will appear if I do a reading with that card. It was fairly graphic and reminded me of Tenacious D's devil, but if they'd made it scary rather than comical. I prefer the fool card) and a book called something like 'ask and it is given' about the power of positivity.

Science, self-help books and the occult are all themes in Scarlett Thomas' writing. Maybe I just want to understand her last book more. I also got the book of the film for Toy Story 3 for the boy. But it meant I spent like, £120 on books in 2 days.

So, with the exception of the Bree Tanner book coming out on Saturday, I'm not buying any books until I go away on holiday. I can buy books then, but for June and July, book shopping is OUT. In tesco's, asda's and WHSmiths as well.

And on Thursday, I should have a new computer. I'll keep Cadence, she's set to region one so I can watch my Drake Bell concert DVD and 'Beautiful People' on her.

And now I'm off to blow my nose, wash my hair, dose myself up and die in bed. And read a little, since that's a low-effort activity.