Someone wanna loan me the money to buy a laptop that actually works? I wrote out this huge blog, it saved almost the whole way through, and then when I was tagging, my IE effed up and it's almost all gone.
I LOATHE repeating myself, especially typing. Especially when I promised myself to be asleep by now.
Acer Aspire's aren't worth the money they're put together with (since I'm not sure there's any actual microchips involved). I'm going to order a computer and pay per month. I'm sick of this effing headache.
Screw you, Cadence.
Monday 31 May 2010
I need an intervention!
This is the blog that got deleted. I'll summarise. Spent too much money on books, meant to get one, came out with thousands of books inspired by Scarlett Thomas instead. Won't buy any more books, apart from Stephenie Meyer's latest money-making tripe.
Taco Bell in UK at last. Whoop whoop, blahblahblah, I'm now going to move to Lakeside. Really funny thing my friend said about Taco Bell you'll hear when I'm not pissed off at my computer being a retard.
And play with my smelly new tarot cards there (the devil card scares me, blahblahblah ... it's a Scarlett Thomas thing).
Taco Bell in UK at last. Whoop whoop, blahblahblah, I'm now going to move to Lakeside. Really funny thing my friend said about Taco Bell you'll hear when I'm not pissed off at my computer being a retard.
And play with my smelly new tarot cards there (the devil card scares me, blahblahblah ... it's a Scarlett Thomas thing).
Sunday 30 May 2010
Labyrinth
" ... we don't hurry through life looking for outcomes all the time, however many times we're told that we should, and that we should be overtaking people, and overcoming things as we go. The labyrinth doesn't tell us how to live; it shows us how we do live ..."
That's a quote from the last page of "Our Tragic Universe" by the way, not the David Bowie film. It resonated, just a little. Although I am a competitive person by nature, at the same time I don't act competitive because I should. It made me think of how I've approached labyrinths I've been in, like the one at Black Gang Chine, and in Disneyworld at the Alice in Wonderland feature.
In Black Gang Chine, when I was about ten, I figured it out pretty quickly. I didn't hit as many dead ends as my brothers and sister (who could've cared less). It was the first thing we did there, and when I looked back over the maze, because the exit went up a hill, I saw one path that would have gotten me out quicker.
The Disneyland one is less satisfying. I went into all the dead ends on purpose. The main route was laid out, was over-populated. I went into all the nooks and crannies to get more of an experience.
My point is, if the way we approach labyrinths is about how we approach life, then I should notice some key facts here; my competitive nature, my ability to figure out a problem quickly (and act on it, though there's a little more of a delay in the last couple of years), my dissatifaction if something's handed to me too easily, if there's no need to work at a problem. It's in the work I find happiness.
I've recently discovered an opportunity to do some hard work to achieve something I'd find admirable. It'd help me escape from the thing I was given too easily. Was it Groucho Marx or his brother who said 'I don't want to join any club that would have me as a member'? I shunned one university option who, after a terrible interview on my part, offered me a place with a reduced A level grade from advertised ... and if I'd had the luxury of choice, maybe I would have approached my current situation with the same distaste. I'd gladly take the hypocracy of that statement if there's a challenge though. But lets not hold our breath ... sorry for the lack of proper information here, I don't want to announce I'm doing something I'm not. At the moment, I'm just living in hope.
Let's have a subject change, shall we? Sort of. I finished Scarlett Thomas' book today. I kinda feel about it how I felt about The Tree Of Seasons. I understand how the book flowed like it did, why decisions were made and events happened, but there was something still a little dissatisfying. She talked endlessly of the Storyless Story, and in some ways this book manifests as that - she doesn't get the guy (she doesn't get any guy), the book is a story of ideas and theories without the proof. Like it's left to the reader to prove what's said, or treat it as a 'Zen Story' (I'll find one and put it at the end. It won't be long!). She also talks about this fictional writer, called Kelsey Newman, who hypothesises about how we're already dead and living in this Omega Point as created by this supercomputer, reliving our lives endlessly until we do something worthwhile with them, becoming the hero and fighting personal demons to prove we are worth our heaven (like if Second World were jigsaw, from the saw films, or if we were all meant to live out books like 'On The Road' to reach enlightenment). But the guy encounters this beast that never was and at first they think he's dead and it turns out he got bitten by a dog. Which I guess in some ways is a little like a storyless story but once again, dissatisfying. Another character may or may not have committed suicide but there's nothing concrete about that either. The protagonist leaves her long-term boyfriend halfway through, but little more is said about him, and she doesn't seem to grieve.
I much prefer the end of Mr Y. I mean, it was good, but 'the gun' didn't go off (actually, a real gun was fired, but you know what I mean) which was the whole point but why that would be desirable I don't know. It perplexes me, which I'm sure was the point. Dissatisfaction must be what she was after. But it didn't excite me the way the ideas in TEOMY did. I miss the excitement Scarlett ... again, this must be the entire point, and is certainly the point of the above statement, hence why I included the first bit.
So, the Zen story, straight from the pages:
"There is an old woman who looks after a monk while he meditates for twenty years. She gives him food and water and makes his clothes and eventually sends a prostitute to throw herself at him because she wants to see what he does with all his wisdom. He's taken a vow of chastity, but will he be tempted? The monk says something poetic to the prostitute about an old tree growing on a cold rock, and tells her there is 'no warmth'. When the spurned prostitute tells of this, the old woman is angry that she has supported someone who after twenty years has not learnt compassion. Then she goes and burns his hut down."
That's a quote from the last page of "Our Tragic Universe" by the way, not the David Bowie film. It resonated, just a little. Although I am a competitive person by nature, at the same time I don't act competitive because I should. It made me think of how I've approached labyrinths I've been in, like the one at Black Gang Chine, and in Disneyworld at the Alice in Wonderland feature.
In Black Gang Chine, when I was about ten, I figured it out pretty quickly. I didn't hit as many dead ends as my brothers and sister (who could've cared less). It was the first thing we did there, and when I looked back over the maze, because the exit went up a hill, I saw one path that would have gotten me out quicker.
The Disneyland one is less satisfying. I went into all the dead ends on purpose. The main route was laid out, was over-populated. I went into all the nooks and crannies to get more of an experience.
My point is, if the way we approach labyrinths is about how we approach life, then I should notice some key facts here; my competitive nature, my ability to figure out a problem quickly (and act on it, though there's a little more of a delay in the last couple of years), my dissatifaction if something's handed to me too easily, if there's no need to work at a problem. It's in the work I find happiness.
I've recently discovered an opportunity to do some hard work to achieve something I'd find admirable. It'd help me escape from the thing I was given too easily. Was it Groucho Marx or his brother who said 'I don't want to join any club that would have me as a member'? I shunned one university option who, after a terrible interview on my part, offered me a place with a reduced A level grade from advertised ... and if I'd had the luxury of choice, maybe I would have approached my current situation with the same distaste. I'd gladly take the hypocracy of that statement if there's a challenge though. But lets not hold our breath ... sorry for the lack of proper information here, I don't want to announce I'm doing something I'm not. At the moment, I'm just living in hope.
Let's have a subject change, shall we? Sort of. I finished Scarlett Thomas' book today. I kinda feel about it how I felt about The Tree Of Seasons. I understand how the book flowed like it did, why decisions were made and events happened, but there was something still a little dissatisfying. She talked endlessly of the Storyless Story, and in some ways this book manifests as that - she doesn't get the guy (she doesn't get any guy), the book is a story of ideas and theories without the proof. Like it's left to the reader to prove what's said, or treat it as a 'Zen Story' (I'll find one and put it at the end. It won't be long!). She also talks about this fictional writer, called Kelsey Newman, who hypothesises about how we're already dead and living in this Omega Point as created by this supercomputer, reliving our lives endlessly until we do something worthwhile with them, becoming the hero and fighting personal demons to prove we are worth our heaven (like if Second World were jigsaw, from the saw films, or if we were all meant to live out books like 'On The Road' to reach enlightenment). But the guy encounters this beast that never was and at first they think he's dead and it turns out he got bitten by a dog. Which I guess in some ways is a little like a storyless story but once again, dissatisfying. Another character may or may not have committed suicide but there's nothing concrete about that either. The protagonist leaves her long-term boyfriend halfway through, but little more is said about him, and she doesn't seem to grieve.
I much prefer the end of Mr Y. I mean, it was good, but 'the gun' didn't go off (actually, a real gun was fired, but you know what I mean) which was the whole point but why that would be desirable I don't know. It perplexes me, which I'm sure was the point. Dissatisfaction must be what she was after. But it didn't excite me the way the ideas in TEOMY did. I miss the excitement Scarlett ... again, this must be the entire point, and is certainly the point of the above statement, hence why I included the first bit.
So, the Zen story, straight from the pages:
"There is an old woman who looks after a monk while he meditates for twenty years. She gives him food and water and makes his clothes and eventually sends a prostitute to throw herself at him because she wants to see what he does with all his wisdom. He's taken a vow of chastity, but will he be tempted? The monk says something poetic to the prostitute about an old tree growing on a cold rock, and tells her there is 'no warmth'. When the spurned prostitute tells of this, the old woman is angry that she has supported someone who after twenty years has not learnt compassion. Then she goes and burns his hut down."
Saturday 29 May 2010
So much ... too much ...
I have so many things I want to say in this blog, and I don't think I'll remember it all.
There's a computer I want that I just about can't afford. It's about £550 and has 1000GB/1TB of memory. It's a laptop too. It's only in store, not online. I can afford £520 after bills this month, or put it on my card. But I promised myself I wouldn't.
I guess I could get an external memory for my laptop right now but it seems like a lot of hassle and I'd be worried the computer couldn't run without that external memory. And once I'd have moved everything I used onto it anyway, my computer would still only have a few MB left of space, because no matter how much I delete (and it's been a LOT, far too much) it barely makes an impact. I deleted 300MB of memory the other day and it didn't make a difference. How does that work? I still only have maybe 80MB space to run on.
So basically I can't carry on with Cadence, much as I love her and her dinkiness, but I can't afford better. Just wish acer hadn't lied about the amount of hard drive I could actually use.
And I saw Sex And The City 2 earlier. I don't know if Cassie reads and I don't want to ruin it for her, but hmmm .... I know I must have complained so many times about this before, but I've never seen it acted out before ... but they made up scenes to wrap up loose ends. Like say, Sam had gone on a 'journey' of personal growth and they realised that from what was said earlier, they had to get her into another position ... it felt a little slapstick. Take note, all books I've complained about before, what you've forced will feel like stale comedy. They also went a little far with the 'gun' concept (to enlighten you all, it's well known in literature that if you 'place a gun' in a scene, by the end of the book, the gun must go off. Two characters were given a piece of advice, for example, in SATC2 and by the 2 hour mark, the writers decided to 'set off the gun' and had the other characters go against the advice unwittingly. By this time, Claire was practically shouting in my ear 'what is the fucking point!' I got it, and when I tried explaining, she was like 'well, I just didn't love it as much as you, I guess'. Awwwh, hun, love had nothing to do with it. Scarlett Thomas' book keeps referring to a gun going off, but I'd read the concept before in a Harry Potter essay ... it was just fresh in my mind).
Only Charlotte and Miranda felt like they had character development throughout the whole thing, and the wrap up at the end was a little contrived.
But despite this, I enjoyed it, the dialogue was witty. The acting was superb, and the wardrobe and accessories, for the most part, were so gorgeous. I want Carrie Bradshaw's flats - both of them. Especially the 'love' canvas she has. I think I prefer her old flat, for the lightness of the decor.
Aaaand I got inspired, for a book of my own. The actual book was about dating, but at one point they were talking about soulmates ... I want to write about mine. I'll start scribbling some ideas tonight, but I still wanna churn out one scene for the Uprooted series I've been working on which has been screaming at me since Wednesday. I probably freaked out Lizzy a bit, because every time she looked at me at work I had the same expression on my face but really ... I was in Nevada. Sorry.
Otherwise, I'm knackered, 2 episodes from the end of Gossip Girl series 2 (is series three being released any time soon? My friend Carla keeps telling me little bits and I'd like to know what she's on about, without having to hope ITV2/ITV3 will reshow from the first episode when I start watching) and hardly getting anywhere with Scarlett, since I just haven't had the time. I went looking for Scandal in town, but it wasn't there, so I'll have to try Lakeside tomorrow/Monday (with the dreaded Sunday service). boy got an invite to a birthday party, so I went to Toys'r'us for a present, and found half the shop covered in Toy Story 3. I got boy a puzzle of TS, since he was so good ... it's 100 piece for 6 year olds and he's already done it. Twice (with a teeny bit of help). My boy is scary intelligent ... he can recite half of 'we're going on a bear hunt' and 'the gingerbread man' from memory. Oh, I won £20 on one of those 'rich for life' scratchcards, which was ace since I rarely play. I think that was my second time ever. I've also got 'potty training in a week' by Gina Ford ... but that's for another post.
I'm watching Eurovision now. Laters, potatahs!
There's a computer I want that I just about can't afford. It's about £550 and has 1000GB/1TB of memory. It's a laptop too. It's only in store, not online. I can afford £520 after bills this month, or put it on my card. But I promised myself I wouldn't.
I guess I could get an external memory for my laptop right now but it seems like a lot of hassle and I'd be worried the computer couldn't run without that external memory. And once I'd have moved everything I used onto it anyway, my computer would still only have a few MB left of space, because no matter how much I delete (and it's been a LOT, far too much) it barely makes an impact. I deleted 300MB of memory the other day and it didn't make a difference. How does that work? I still only have maybe 80MB space to run on.
So basically I can't carry on with Cadence, much as I love her and her dinkiness, but I can't afford better. Just wish acer hadn't lied about the amount of hard drive I could actually use.
And I saw Sex And The City 2 earlier. I don't know if Cassie reads and I don't want to ruin it for her, but hmmm .... I know I must have complained so many times about this before, but I've never seen it acted out before ... but they made up scenes to wrap up loose ends. Like say, Sam had gone on a 'journey' of personal growth and they realised that from what was said earlier, they had to get her into another position ... it felt a little slapstick. Take note, all books I've complained about before, what you've forced will feel like stale comedy. They also went a little far with the 'gun' concept (to enlighten you all, it's well known in literature that if you 'place a gun' in a scene, by the end of the book, the gun must go off. Two characters were given a piece of advice, for example, in SATC2 and by the 2 hour mark, the writers decided to 'set off the gun' and had the other characters go against the advice unwittingly. By this time, Claire was practically shouting in my ear 'what is the fucking point!' I got it, and when I tried explaining, she was like 'well, I just didn't love it as much as you, I guess'. Awwwh, hun, love had nothing to do with it. Scarlett Thomas' book keeps referring to a gun going off, but I'd read the concept before in a Harry Potter essay ... it was just fresh in my mind).
Only Charlotte and Miranda felt like they had character development throughout the whole thing, and the wrap up at the end was a little contrived.
But despite this, I enjoyed it, the dialogue was witty. The acting was superb, and the wardrobe and accessories, for the most part, were so gorgeous. I want Carrie Bradshaw's flats - both of them. Especially the 'love' canvas she has. I think I prefer her old flat, for the lightness of the decor.
Aaaand I got inspired, for a book of my own. The actual book was about dating, but at one point they were talking about soulmates ... I want to write about mine. I'll start scribbling some ideas tonight, but I still wanna churn out one scene for the Uprooted series I've been working on which has been screaming at me since Wednesday. I probably freaked out Lizzy a bit, because every time she looked at me at work I had the same expression on my face but really ... I was in Nevada. Sorry.
Otherwise, I'm knackered, 2 episodes from the end of Gossip Girl series 2 (is series three being released any time soon? My friend Carla keeps telling me little bits and I'd like to know what she's on about, without having to hope ITV2/ITV3 will reshow from the first episode when I start watching) and hardly getting anywhere with Scarlett, since I just haven't had the time. I went looking for Scandal in town, but it wasn't there, so I'll have to try Lakeside tomorrow/Monday (with the dreaded Sunday service). boy got an invite to a birthday party, so I went to Toys'r'us for a present, and found half the shop covered in Toy Story 3. I got boy a puzzle of TS, since he was so good ... it's 100 piece for 6 year olds and he's already done it. Twice (with a teeny bit of help). My boy is scary intelligent ... he can recite half of 'we're going on a bear hunt' and 'the gingerbread man' from memory. Oh, I won £20 on one of those 'rich for life' scratchcards, which was ace since I rarely play. I think that was my second time ever. I've also got 'potty training in a week' by Gina Ford ... but that's for another post.
I'm watching Eurovision now. Laters, potatahs!
Thursday 27 May 2010
Oh, and ...
... Joanne thinks we need to go into business together. Any suggestions as to what we can do? She makes the most amazing cards/scrapbooks ... and I write. So something with paper?
Change
I've decided to put this link on facebook. Not because I'm an attention-seeking madam (though I am) but just because - well, there's not loads of secrets on here, are there? When I'm sharing things, it's not because it's hushed up, or something I don't want the planet knowing, it's just my take on things.
So if you saw the change on facebook and decided to read - thanks. Welcome. It really is this boring, lol.
I need to write btw. Like, really, really, write. I have this crystal clear scene in my head and I cannot grab the half hour/hour I'd need to type it. Maybe Sunday, when boy's napping, I guess ...
So if you saw the change on facebook and decided to read - thanks. Welcome. It really is this boring, lol.
I need to write btw. Like, really, really, write. I have this crystal clear scene in my head and I cannot grab the half hour/hour I'd need to type it. Maybe Sunday, when boy's napping, I guess ...
Stefanie
First of all, donut day didn't work. We were still screwed and in a bad mood. And I'm £7.50 worse off for it. But now my hair's bright red so I can PMS about it, since redheads allegedly have more of a temper.
Anyway, I didn't forget this series! I was just thinking on who to write about next.
And Stefanie is next.
Stefanie is the overall organiser of Drake Bell's street team. Since a lot of his actual promoters do little to make an impact (I think they're a little disorganised, from what I saw at the show last year), if you do hear any big promotion about Drake, you can be sure Stefanie was the instigator, if not the person telling you about what he's up to (answer until recently: not much. But he's starting to do tour dates again and should be sort of almost finished with the third album soon but don't hold your breath since this has been going on for over a year ...) she's the one with all the information.
When I started going on Drake's forum, just after he had his car accident (I didn't know about it, I was looking for music and first thing I was read 'omfg, car accident!!!0!), Stefanie was one of the first people I remember talking to, her and Cazzie (I miss Cazzie :(). I think I got on better with Stefanie because she was closer to my age. There were a lot of 12 year olds (and one five year old, whose parents typed for her. She got to go on set when they still filmed D&J, which must have made her life) and a lot of mums (Drake's own included). There were only a handful of 18-22's, so I guess it was easier knowing what to say to Stefanie.
After a couple of months, without going into a lot of detail (because there was a lot of detail and when I heard it I was soooooo mad) anyway, after a couple of months Stefanie asked whether I'd want to be one of Drakes UK leaders. I said yes, because I had the time to do it, and although I can be silly and whatnot, I also wasn't going to lose my head over the whole thing - some people do see becoming a street team leader a golden ticket to meeting Drake, since he's not really well known despite all the work he's done.
It went well, I thought. We didn't really have much to do - we've been promised that Drake's coming to the UK, Drake's coming over, since 2006, and it's still not happened yet - but we've done some things, passing out fliers at other gigs, trying to promote his CD's so the amount he gets sold has some gravitas on the decision to come over, a little radio play here or there. We did a meet up August 2006 too, got to know the other UK street teamers a bit (again, parents or kids. Cazzie was there, but she was one of the parents, so I did feel a little like a sore thumb).
And then I got pregnant, and let Stefanie know that since I had no idea what was coming - how could I? - I was going to have to leave the leader post, but I'd still do whatever promotion needed doing, whenever I could. We stayed in touch while I was getting used to boy, mainly on myspace, and when I got it, facebook.
And once I got sick, and had all the free time to get better, I went back to the DBST (as we call it). I missed it. I mean, I recognised few people, there was only one Brit left I recognised, but Stefanie was still there, putting up with it all. And when I sent an email asking to be leader for the UK again, she said sure, welcome back.
That's what I like best about Stefanie. She's pretty understanding about people's situations, and although she may not believe it, she's pretty patient. She's so loyal too - she gets a lot of crap for what she does (from Drake's fans, not anyone laughing at us for being Drake's fans) and yet she still puts up with it all. I know some days she feels she can't cope any more with the repetitive questions and those fans who are so excitable nothing goes in, but she's one of the strongest women I know. She's also not afraid to say what she thinks, so if someone was really pushing her buttons, she'll let you know. She's pretty honest in that respect too, with her emotions as well as with basic facts. I don't like those people who put on fronts, or not many of them.
I got to meet her when I was in New York/Atlantic last year with Cat at Drake's gig there, but a)we were being silly from jet lag and b)I was a little shy. So even though the whole gig we were right by each other, we didn't talk until the end :( that was one weird show ... but if I got to do it again, maybe I'd grow a pair of balls? And also, not book the car for ridiculous o'clock like I did.
Anyway, I didn't forget this series! I was just thinking on who to write about next.
And Stefanie is next.
Stefanie is the overall organiser of Drake Bell's street team. Since a lot of his actual promoters do little to make an impact (I think they're a little disorganised, from what I saw at the show last year), if you do hear any big promotion about Drake, you can be sure Stefanie was the instigator, if not the person telling you about what he's up to (answer until recently: not much. But he's starting to do tour dates again and should be sort of almost finished with the third album soon but don't hold your breath since this has been going on for over a year ...) she's the one with all the information.
When I started going on Drake's forum, just after he had his car accident (I didn't know about it, I was looking for music and first thing I was read 'omfg, car accident!!!0!), Stefanie was one of the first people I remember talking to, her and Cazzie (I miss Cazzie :(). I think I got on better with Stefanie because she was closer to my age. There were a lot of 12 year olds (and one five year old, whose parents typed for her. She got to go on set when they still filmed D&J, which must have made her life) and a lot of mums (Drake's own included). There were only a handful of 18-22's, so I guess it was easier knowing what to say to Stefanie.
After a couple of months, without going into a lot of detail (because there was a lot of detail and when I heard it I was soooooo mad) anyway, after a couple of months Stefanie asked whether I'd want to be one of Drakes UK leaders. I said yes, because I had the time to do it, and although I can be silly and whatnot, I also wasn't going to lose my head over the whole thing - some people do see becoming a street team leader a golden ticket to meeting Drake, since he's not really well known despite all the work he's done.
It went well, I thought. We didn't really have much to do - we've been promised that Drake's coming to the UK, Drake's coming over, since 2006, and it's still not happened yet - but we've done some things, passing out fliers at other gigs, trying to promote his CD's so the amount he gets sold has some gravitas on the decision to come over, a little radio play here or there. We did a meet up August 2006 too, got to know the other UK street teamers a bit (again, parents or kids. Cazzie was there, but she was one of the parents, so I did feel a little like a sore thumb).
And then I got pregnant, and let Stefanie know that since I had no idea what was coming - how could I? - I was going to have to leave the leader post, but I'd still do whatever promotion needed doing, whenever I could. We stayed in touch while I was getting used to boy, mainly on myspace, and when I got it, facebook.
And once I got sick, and had all the free time to get better, I went back to the DBST (as we call it). I missed it. I mean, I recognised few people, there was only one Brit left I recognised, but Stefanie was still there, putting up with it all. And when I sent an email asking to be leader for the UK again, she said sure, welcome back.
That's what I like best about Stefanie. She's pretty understanding about people's situations, and although she may not believe it, she's pretty patient. She's so loyal too - she gets a lot of crap for what she does (from Drake's fans, not anyone laughing at us for being Drake's fans) and yet she still puts up with it all. I know some days she feels she can't cope any more with the repetitive questions and those fans who are so excitable nothing goes in, but she's one of the strongest women I know. She's also not afraid to say what she thinks, so if someone was really pushing her buttons, she'll let you know. She's pretty honest in that respect too, with her emotions as well as with basic facts. I don't like those people who put on fronts, or not many of them.
I got to meet her when I was in New York/Atlantic last year with Cat at Drake's gig there, but a)we were being silly from jet lag and b)I was a little shy. So even though the whole gig we were right by each other, we didn't talk until the end :( that was one weird show ... but if I got to do it again, maybe I'd grow a pair of balls? And also, not book the car for ridiculous o'clock like I did.
Wednesday 26 May 2010
Early morning moan
I can't sleep. I tried to have a lay in and was still up before 6.
I went to kiss my son day before last, and he stood up as I went down. So now I have a split lip, and I couldn't talk very well yesterday (which only added to my already bad mood).
So I'm making today a donut day. A donut day doesn't happen very often, but if the start of my week (Tuesday and Wednesday) have been dire, I will go and buy a bunch of krispy kremes and bring them in to work. I've done it maybe twice before. But yesterday was hideous, we were short staffed (4/5 people from 2-4, and we needed about double that) and I don't think I stopped until people came in at 5. Which meant all the little jobs we do when we're not serving went undone and we do need to do those to keep going. Which means we all got a teeny bit stressed. But if we have donuts today, everyone'll be happy (because donuts are magic) so if we're short-staffed again it won't matter so much. Except I probably won't eat any, since I keep messing with my wheat intolerance. But I have maoam, so it's practically the same thing.
I'm getting my hair dyed tonight too, which would be good. Once my friend finished cutting there were huge patches of brown amongst the purple, so I'm going for an altogether different colour. I'm thinking like a honey-brown/caramel. But we'll see.
I'm still reading Scarlett though, don't you worry! Hopefully I'll have finished her by the end of the weekend, I'll have 2 train journeys to read on. Nervous about Saturday, since I don't know where I'm going or when! Will have to text Pete and find out. Will also have to make time to get Kate Brian's latest book (and remember what the heck it's called).
Oh, and I've been watching Gossip Girl on DVD. I'm about 7 episodes from the end of Season 2. Can't believe Blair's finally got her chance with Chuck and she's blown it (don't tell me they're fictional, they're alive on some plane of existence) or what Dan did ... he's getting less and less likeable ...
I went to kiss my son day before last, and he stood up as I went down. So now I have a split lip, and I couldn't talk very well yesterday (which only added to my already bad mood).
So I'm making today a donut day. A donut day doesn't happen very often, but if the start of my week (Tuesday and Wednesday) have been dire, I will go and buy a bunch of krispy kremes and bring them in to work. I've done it maybe twice before. But yesterday was hideous, we were short staffed (4/5 people from 2-4, and we needed about double that) and I don't think I stopped until people came in at 5. Which meant all the little jobs we do when we're not serving went undone and we do need to do those to keep going. Which means we all got a teeny bit stressed. But if we have donuts today, everyone'll be happy (because donuts are magic) so if we're short-staffed again it won't matter so much. Except I probably won't eat any, since I keep messing with my wheat intolerance. But I have maoam, so it's practically the same thing.
I'm getting my hair dyed tonight too, which would be good. Once my friend finished cutting there were huge patches of brown amongst the purple, so I'm going for an altogether different colour. I'm thinking like a honey-brown/caramel. But we'll see.
I'm still reading Scarlett though, don't you worry! Hopefully I'll have finished her by the end of the weekend, I'll have 2 train journeys to read on. Nervous about Saturday, since I don't know where I'm going or when! Will have to text Pete and find out. Will also have to make time to get Kate Brian's latest book (and remember what the heck it's called).
Oh, and I've been watching Gossip Girl on DVD. I'm about 7 episodes from the end of Season 2. Can't believe Blair's finally got her chance with Chuck and she's blown it (don't tell me they're fictional, they're alive on some plane of existence) or what Dan did ... he's getting less and less likeable ...
Tuesday 25 May 2010
Our Tragic Universe ... so far.
I'm less than 100 pages in so far ... but whoa.
She's made the protagonist a writer. Which I'm sure I've mentioned before, I hate. But Scarlett Thomas is amazing, so she's forgiven.
She's carried on some pop co themes, and the end of mr y themes. But oh dear ... she's talking about infinite universes and she mentions how one book the writer has researched goes on about these two worlds that everone lives in without realising. Now, in pop co (about a toy company having a weekend retreat, summarising like crazy there lol) there's a videogames division and one member of the videogames group comes up with this concept of actually living out something like second life. That online game where you create an avatar and it has its own currency and you can get married etc etc? But it was mixing that with virtual reality suits/pods, so you could literally act out your fantasies. That's all fine. But when she talks about this writers works, she mentions microchips that are inserted at birth, and whenever people's brainwaves start to slow down, to initiate sleep, this other reality comes into being, and people unwittingly lead two lives. Does that just sound like the plot of a 10 year James Cameron project or what?
I like all the stuff about the Omega point and the universe and our existence going on ad infinitum. She talks about how we existed in one universe until our scientists created what they call 'second world', this point where the dead undie and time is never-ceasing, and it's all from this self-generating computer.life support machine. And to leave this 'second world' and go to heaven you should do more with your life, those doomed to sit on the sofa eating pizza will exist in the second world for longer, stuck by their own lacklustre attitude to their second life.
Of course, the writer's derisive about these concepts, she doesn't like the thought of living forever, but she has like, 300 more pages to change her mind ...
She's made the protagonist a writer. Which I'm sure I've mentioned before, I hate. But Scarlett Thomas is amazing, so she's forgiven.
She's carried on some pop co themes, and the end of mr y themes. But oh dear ... she's talking about infinite universes and she mentions how one book the writer has researched goes on about these two worlds that everone lives in without realising. Now, in pop co (about a toy company having a weekend retreat, summarising like crazy there lol) there's a videogames division and one member of the videogames group comes up with this concept of actually living out something like second life. That online game where you create an avatar and it has its own currency and you can get married etc etc? But it was mixing that with virtual reality suits/pods, so you could literally act out your fantasies. That's all fine. But when she talks about this writers works, she mentions microchips that are inserted at birth, and whenever people's brainwaves start to slow down, to initiate sleep, this other reality comes into being, and people unwittingly lead two lives. Does that just sound like the plot of a 10 year James Cameron project or what?
I like all the stuff about the Omega point and the universe and our existence going on ad infinitum. She talks about how we existed in one universe until our scientists created what they call 'second world', this point where the dead undie and time is never-ceasing, and it's all from this self-generating computer.life support machine. And to leave this 'second world' and go to heaven you should do more with your life, those doomed to sit on the sofa eating pizza will exist in the second world for longer, stuck by their own lacklustre attitude to their second life.
Of course, the writer's derisive about these concepts, she doesn't like the thought of living forever, but she has like, 300 more pages to change her mind ...
Monday 24 May 2010
Sex and the city
So, I read Carrie's Diaries full of compliments about Candace Bushnell's writing.
And when I was in Asda's the other day, they had a buy-two-for-£5 thing and Sex and the City was in it.
So of course I got it.
And I finished reading it this morning.
It's a completely different format to what I thought it would be. The start is examples of different situations, using 'aliases' to cover identities, and slowly Carrie's story with Mr Big materialises through these different scenarios. The end of the book is much different to the end of the film. But I think the take on love in the book is also different to the series.
But it was still good. I can see how they managed to turn it into both a series and two films, even if things were re-written for current events/to minimalise main cast.
And now I'm onto my new Scarlett Thomas. See you in a few days, unless I have something else of consequence to write before I finish.
And when I was in Asda's the other day, they had a buy-two-for-£5 thing and Sex and the City was in it.
So of course I got it.
And I finished reading it this morning.
It's a completely different format to what I thought it would be. The start is examples of different situations, using 'aliases' to cover identities, and slowly Carrie's story with Mr Big materialises through these different scenarios. The end of the book is much different to the end of the film. But I think the take on love in the book is also different to the series.
But it was still good. I can see how they managed to turn it into both a series and two films, even if things were re-written for current events/to minimalise main cast.
And now I'm onto my new Scarlett Thomas. See you in a few days, unless I have something else of consequence to write before I finish.
Sunday 23 May 2010
Please remove the blockage
I keep going to write. And not being able to.
I keep wanting to hang out with people, trying to make arrangements, and having things get in the way (take note, day of hair-dying and day of zee+Pete, don't follow the pattern).
People I otherwise love are annoying the heck out of me.
I think I need to rant incoherently to get it all off my chest.
Oh, and my phone's not uploading my pictures to my computer, so I'll have to do it all manually on the phone. Guh.
I keep wanting to hang out with people, trying to make arrangements, and having things get in the way (take note, day of hair-dying and day of zee+Pete, don't follow the pattern).
People I otherwise love are annoying the heck out of me.
I think I need to rant incoherently to get it all off my chest.
Oh, and my phone's not uploading my pictures to my computer, so I'll have to do it all manually on the phone. Guh.
Saturday 22 May 2010
The Tree Of Seasons
Now, part of the reason I haven't blogged so much for the past week, is because I've been reading Stephen Gately's novel (which all over the book, they call 'his first novel'. True, but ... without meaning to sound rude, isn't it his only novel?) and it took me longer than I thought it might. Not to be rude about his writing, but I knew it was a kids book, and they're rarely arduous, except where they might lack in detail.
It reads like they left it as was written. I think he managed to finish the piece, but didn't manage to go through it, make corrections (sometimes a character will move or morph or something and the transition isn't clear, which he most likely would have edited, given the chance).
It's ... young. Very young. But I liked it. It took me some time to make my mind, but I liked the enthusiasm in the writing. His message isn't overly in-your-face, and even if it's unsubtle, it's still pretty life-affirming. Basically, he was saying everyone should appreciate every season, every phase the world goes through, that although most people prefer Summer, for the sun, there's still the wonder of frost and snow in winter, of harvest food and autumn leaves, of new spring flowers ... he attributed each season to a different mythical creature (fairies for summer, elves for spring, goblins for winter and sylphs, which I presume are like nymphs, for autumn and gave them all a section of this magical tree.
Some things go unanswered, which always drives me crazy. Like, humans aren't supposed to see anything related to the inhibitants of the tree, but the three children in the storyline, Josh, Michael and Beth, are all able to interact. I think he says 'the tree chose you' and left it at, but that was sort of unfulfilling.
It has a lot in it, theme-wise. A few people have compared it to The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, which I hate (it's a classic, and there's no God ideology in The Tree Of Seasons) but I can sort of see the parallels, the paranormal, the access to another world, the magic, the evil queen attempting to make all seasons stagnate in one, even the ring thing (if you're not familiar, C.S.Lewis - who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia around the time his good friend and colleague J.R.R.Tolkein wrote The Lord Of The Rings - created two rings to travel between worlds. The yellow left the world you were in to access the world between worlds, the green allowed you access between worlds. Diggory stumbled across Narnia at its birth. He borrowed an apple from Narnia to give to his dying mother, then buried the rings around the apple core in his garden. When the apple tree grew, it was cut down and made into a Wardrobe. The Horse And His Boy was so genius ...) ... in The Tree Of Seasons, Michael is given a ring of truth. Funnily, to me, Josh is given an arrow that never misses the target he imagines, which is a power the Vampyre Stark has in the House Of Night series.
I wish he was still alive. I'd love to have known the other stories in his head. He could have made something phenomenal.
I'm now on to Sex And The City, the book. I'm so excited about the second film ...
It reads like they left it as was written. I think he managed to finish the piece, but didn't manage to go through it, make corrections (sometimes a character will move or morph or something and the transition isn't clear, which he most likely would have edited, given the chance).
It's ... young. Very young. But I liked it. It took me some time to make my mind, but I liked the enthusiasm in the writing. His message isn't overly in-your-face, and even if it's unsubtle, it's still pretty life-affirming. Basically, he was saying everyone should appreciate every season, every phase the world goes through, that although most people prefer Summer, for the sun, there's still the wonder of frost and snow in winter, of harvest food and autumn leaves, of new spring flowers ... he attributed each season to a different mythical creature (fairies for summer, elves for spring, goblins for winter and sylphs, which I presume are like nymphs, for autumn and gave them all a section of this magical tree.
Some things go unanswered, which always drives me crazy. Like, humans aren't supposed to see anything related to the inhibitants of the tree, but the three children in the storyline, Josh, Michael and Beth, are all able to interact. I think he says 'the tree chose you' and left it at, but that was sort of unfulfilling.
It has a lot in it, theme-wise. A few people have compared it to The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, which I hate (it's a classic, and there's no God ideology in The Tree Of Seasons) but I can sort of see the parallels, the paranormal, the access to another world, the magic, the evil queen attempting to make all seasons stagnate in one, even the ring thing (if you're not familiar, C.S.Lewis - who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia around the time his good friend and colleague J.R.R.Tolkein wrote The Lord Of The Rings - created two rings to travel between worlds. The yellow left the world you were in to access the world between worlds, the green allowed you access between worlds. Diggory stumbled across Narnia at its birth. He borrowed an apple from Narnia to give to his dying mother, then buried the rings around the apple core in his garden. When the apple tree grew, it was cut down and made into a Wardrobe. The Horse And His Boy was so genius ...) ... in The Tree Of Seasons, Michael is given a ring of truth. Funnily, to me, Josh is given an arrow that never misses the target he imagines, which is a power the Vampyre Stark has in the House Of Night series.
I wish he was still alive. I'd love to have known the other stories in his head. He could have made something phenomenal.
I'm now on to Sex And The City, the book. I'm so excited about the second film ...
Good day, good day!
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Scarlett Thomas' 'Our Tragic Universe' came out Thursday and I had to wait until this morning to get it (dear work, please schedule my hours, in future, around the release of any of my favourite author's books, so I never have to wait 2 days again) and when I was there, a book display saying 'David Mitchell' caught my eye and I went looking for the book (turns out, it's not that one) and *squeal* there was a new Sarah Dessen in my search!
Bit of a rip-off though. Penguin have started these'pocket money books' which are £3 cheaper than a bog standard book. I got it anyway, but the entire story was 30 pages. And there were 2 exerts from books I already have filling the other 60 pages. Normally, her books are around 250-300 pages each, and a tenth of the size for half the price makes no sense. It's a sweet book though. It's about a town in America who have a roundabout (it's a bizarre concept out there, but bogstandard here) and this girl is nervous about going on this roundabout because her mother is. Eventually she gets the balls to try, obviously, but it was kind of interesting reading an American's take on the whole structure. A couple of weeks ago, my lesson was all about right hand turns on roundabouts. They only intimidate me in heavy traffic when I'm front of the right hand turn lol ... and only because I don't want to crash.
Also, I liked the smell of Sarah Jessica Parker's new perfume, NYC, which I smelt the other day, but it was on a piece of card so I bought the 15ml version. I'm not sure how it'll mix with my skin acidity, the wrong perfume can reak of deer glands rather than the scent. It's fruity though, they usually work with me ... about a week ago, when I was in Lakeside with my sister and mother, I got this other perfume, called lost in love. I think it's a kids one really, but it smells really nice and sweet, and was £4 so I dont' care! I also had a hot apple pie and custard milkshake from shaekaways, it's called a Sylvia and was gorgeous! I'm working my way through the names, I've had George and Dave before, and other one I can't remember the name of. I love shakeaways ...
Scarlett Thomas' 'Our Tragic Universe' came out Thursday and I had to wait until this morning to get it (dear work, please schedule my hours, in future, around the release of any of my favourite author's books, so I never have to wait 2 days again) and when I was there, a book display saying 'David Mitchell' caught my eye and I went looking for the book (turns out, it's not that one) and *squeal* there was a new Sarah Dessen in my search!
Bit of a rip-off though. Penguin have started these'pocket money books' which are £3 cheaper than a bog standard book. I got it anyway, but the entire story was 30 pages. And there were 2 exerts from books I already have filling the other 60 pages. Normally, her books are around 250-300 pages each, and a tenth of the size for half the price makes no sense. It's a sweet book though. It's about a town in America who have a roundabout (it's a bizarre concept out there, but bogstandard here) and this girl is nervous about going on this roundabout because her mother is. Eventually she gets the balls to try, obviously, but it was kind of interesting reading an American's take on the whole structure. A couple of weeks ago, my lesson was all about right hand turns on roundabouts. They only intimidate me in heavy traffic when I'm front of the right hand turn lol ... and only because I don't want to crash.
Also, I liked the smell of Sarah Jessica Parker's new perfume, NYC, which I smelt the other day, but it was on a piece of card so I bought the 15ml version. I'm not sure how it'll mix with my skin acidity, the wrong perfume can reak of deer glands rather than the scent. It's fruity though, they usually work with me ... about a week ago, when I was in Lakeside with my sister and mother, I got this other perfume, called lost in love. I think it's a kids one really, but it smells really nice and sweet, and was £4 so I dont' care! I also had a hot apple pie and custard milkshake from shaekaways, it's called a Sylvia and was gorgeous! I'm working my way through the names, I've had George and Dave before, and other one I can't remember the name of. I love shakeaways ...
May
This is going to be the first of a few blogs tonight. I have a tendency to do this, don't I?
Anyway, May is my favourite month of the year. I'm so sad it's almost over, already (I don't even remember it starting, how bad is that?).
It's my favourite month for a few reasons - and my birthday's in February, before you say that's the reason - it's the month where we have the most flowers. The other day we were driving down a road lined with trees and all the blossom fell off and swirled in a cloud like a light snowfall and all I wanted was to be out in the blossom. It was last year, after I was recovering from all the illness, that I started to really appreciate all the flowers around. The daisies and dandelions (and dandelion clocks) and when I was in London end of April the pansies and foxgloves were all coming out. I like a colourful world (it's better than high summer, where the green starts to yellow out from over-exposure to sun).
The weather's always good too. In a way it's a pain in the bum with my work, because it's even hotter than normal. But we do get extra drinks whenever there's a slow period, so it's not completely heinous. But yes, it's starting to warm, you can appreciate the late Spring breeze without having to cover up because the wind's too cold. You have to work hard to get burnt. Everyone starts coming out of their houses, hanging out in parks ... which I did with Claire and boy on Monday. He even got an official England football for the occasion (then spent most of his time playing with his rainmaker and going on the slide. Always appreciative!)
I also quite like the two bank holidays we get in England. Technically it has no reverence to me, since I don't work Mondays and my boy's off nursery Monday ... but it's a feel good day, isn't it?
So yeah ... I'm sad it's over. Even sadder that I've spent most of it melancholic. If that's how I spend my favourite time of the year, it doesn't say much for the rest of the year, does it?
Anyway, May is my favourite month of the year. I'm so sad it's almost over, already (I don't even remember it starting, how bad is that?).
It's my favourite month for a few reasons - and my birthday's in February, before you say that's the reason - it's the month where we have the most flowers. The other day we were driving down a road lined with trees and all the blossom fell off and swirled in a cloud like a light snowfall and all I wanted was to be out in the blossom. It was last year, after I was recovering from all the illness, that I started to really appreciate all the flowers around. The daisies and dandelions (and dandelion clocks) and when I was in London end of April the pansies and foxgloves were all coming out. I like a colourful world (it's better than high summer, where the green starts to yellow out from over-exposure to sun).
The weather's always good too. In a way it's a pain in the bum with my work, because it's even hotter than normal. But we do get extra drinks whenever there's a slow period, so it's not completely heinous. But yes, it's starting to warm, you can appreciate the late Spring breeze without having to cover up because the wind's too cold. You have to work hard to get burnt. Everyone starts coming out of their houses, hanging out in parks ... which I did with Claire and boy on Monday. He even got an official England football for the occasion (then spent most of his time playing with his rainmaker and going on the slide. Always appreciative!)
I also quite like the two bank holidays we get in England. Technically it has no reverence to me, since I don't work Mondays and my boy's off nursery Monday ... but it's a feel good day, isn't it?
So yeah ... I'm sad it's over. Even sadder that I've spent most of it melancholic. If that's how I spend my favourite time of the year, it doesn't say much for the rest of the year, does it?
Wednesday 19 May 2010
Ramble, ramble
Yeah, this is a quick blog, going on about my life.
There's not much to say really. I'm just exhausted. How do you explain to a 2 year old that bedtimes don't change just because it gets light outside longer? Was reading until 8.45 to get him to sleep tonight. Been like that a lot lately. He's exhausting me.
And so's work. My legs ache by the time we get home from nursery :/
Anyway. My friend from work who's training to be a hairdresser is doing my hair tomorrow night. If I can find my way around the college, since I've never been there before. Will probably message her before I come offline pleading for some sort of direction, lol. I've said she can do whatever she wants to my head, but she said it'll just be a cut. I just hope she doesn't go too short, since my hair is so big, and last time it was really short, I looked like an owl.
And it's work's "FUN DAY" on Saturday, where we dress up ... this time it's not themed. Which means I'll probably be in my Gryffindor Quidditch player outfit again.
Otherwise ... I've had my head stuck in The Tree Of Seasons. I'll talk about that tomorrow night, probably. Well, been reading that and daydreaming. I need to do stuff, get my head out of the clouds. Mcfans meet soon, please? It's been over 3 months! And we didn't even have Katie, because of her nan ...
There's not much to say really. I'm just exhausted. How do you explain to a 2 year old that bedtimes don't change just because it gets light outside longer? Was reading until 8.45 to get him to sleep tonight. Been like that a lot lately. He's exhausting me.
And so's work. My legs ache by the time we get home from nursery :/
Anyway. My friend from work who's training to be a hairdresser is doing my hair tomorrow night. If I can find my way around the college, since I've never been there before. Will probably message her before I come offline pleading for some sort of direction, lol. I've said she can do whatever she wants to my head, but she said it'll just be a cut. I just hope she doesn't go too short, since my hair is so big, and last time it was really short, I looked like an owl.
And it's work's "FUN DAY" on Saturday, where we dress up ... this time it's not themed. Which means I'll probably be in my Gryffindor Quidditch player outfit again.
Otherwise ... I've had my head stuck in The Tree Of Seasons. I'll talk about that tomorrow night, probably. Well, been reading that and daydreaming. I need to do stuff, get my head out of the clouds. Mcfans meet soon, please? It's been over 3 months! And we didn't even have Katie, because of her nan ...
Monday 17 May 2010
Things to be perky about
My last few entries, save for the SATC prequel review, have been, I noticed, dour.
So I'm going to make a few points here to try and pep myself up:
-Scarlett Thomas has a new book coming out this Thursday, "Our Tragic Universe" where the secrets to our universe are possibly held in a knitting pattern?
-Kate Brian's 11th Private novel, scandal, is out on the 27th. Billings is gone, but Reed and Noelle will probably make their new home the next Billings. This actually means something to me, but is waffle to you.
-I finally updated my 'flavour of the month' playlist on my iPhone/iPod. Now I don't have to choose between mcfly, the Glee soundtrack, and anything else that takes my fancy.
-the sun's coming out, and boy and I have agreed to play outside more with his slide/football after nursery.
-my hairdressing friend is going to banish my numerous split ends thursday night.
-I have an early morning driving lesson this friday too.
-Sex and the City 2 is in cinema's soon and looks even better than the first (which I'm watching now)
-The two cars I like are both being sold locally for around £3000. That's got to be good, since one of them's a mercedes benz, right? (It's an A140. That, or a Kia Picanto)
-There's just over 10 weeks until I'm in Florida, at Harry Potter land, soaking up the sun and enjoying two weeks with my boy.
-my tax credits info came through today, so I can work out money, and stop worrying about that.
-refusing point blank to have fatty foods for the past week has meant I've lost 6 pounds. If I keep it up, and refuse wheat too, for the intolerance, I should be back down to a normal weight. If I lose track, it'll shoot straight back up.
-me, boy and his Godparents are going to London zoo sometime in June.
-my best friends are debating whether to go to Cyprus sometime towards the end of the year.
-boy and I are 1&1/2 chapters from the end of Goblet of fire. And he fell asleep at a certain point, so I could pretend I'd read him the bone of the father junk that was way too scary for a 2 year old.
-I'm getting better at my wii.
-I got Sherlock Holmes on DVD. Robert Downey Jnr and Jude Law are a tasty team.
-There's only 2/3 more chapters for me to review of my writing before I give a copy to L (I didn't forget!) ... just remember, it's a draft and I'm still ironing out bits that don't make sense! I've left some in while I think how to rephrase ...
-I had a good day out with my sister and boy, playing in a park after buying lunch in tesco's. And found love with toffee butter popcorn!
So I'm going to make a few points here to try and pep myself up:
-Scarlett Thomas has a new book coming out this Thursday, "Our Tragic Universe" where the secrets to our universe are possibly held in a knitting pattern?
-Kate Brian's 11th Private novel, scandal, is out on the 27th. Billings is gone, but Reed and Noelle will probably make their new home the next Billings. This actually means something to me, but is waffle to you.
-I finally updated my 'flavour of the month' playlist on my iPhone/iPod. Now I don't have to choose between mcfly, the Glee soundtrack, and anything else that takes my fancy.
-the sun's coming out, and boy and I have agreed to play outside more with his slide/football after nursery.
-my hairdressing friend is going to banish my numerous split ends thursday night.
-I have an early morning driving lesson this friday too.
-Sex and the City 2 is in cinema's soon and looks even better than the first (which I'm watching now)
-The two cars I like are both being sold locally for around £3000. That's got to be good, since one of them's a mercedes benz, right? (It's an A140. That, or a Kia Picanto)
-There's just over 10 weeks until I'm in Florida, at Harry Potter land, soaking up the sun and enjoying two weeks with my boy.
-my tax credits info came through today, so I can work out money, and stop worrying about that.
-refusing point blank to have fatty foods for the past week has meant I've lost 6 pounds. If I keep it up, and refuse wheat too, for the intolerance, I should be back down to a normal weight. If I lose track, it'll shoot straight back up.
-me, boy and his Godparents are going to London zoo sometime in June.
-my best friends are debating whether to go to Cyprus sometime towards the end of the year.
-boy and I are 1&1/2 chapters from the end of Goblet of fire. And he fell asleep at a certain point, so I could pretend I'd read him the bone of the father junk that was way too scary for a 2 year old.
-I'm getting better at my wii.
-I got Sherlock Holmes on DVD. Robert Downey Jnr and Jude Law are a tasty team.
-There's only 2/3 more chapters for me to review of my writing before I give a copy to L (I didn't forget!) ... just remember, it's a draft and I'm still ironing out bits that don't make sense! I've left some in while I think how to rephrase ...
-I had a good day out with my sister and boy, playing in a park after buying lunch in tesco's. And found love with toffee butter popcorn!
Words I keep in mind
Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart
Tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire what's the hurry about
You'd better cool it off before you're burning out
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're going to kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realise Vienna waits for you
Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion
You got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realise Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
And take the phone off the hook
And disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realise, Vienna waits for you
And you know that when the truth is told
You can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realise Vienna waits for you
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart
Tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire what's the hurry about
You'd better cool it off before you're burning out
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're going to kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realise Vienna waits for you
Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion
You got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realise Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
And take the phone off the hook
And disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realise, Vienna waits for you
And you know that when the truth is told
You can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realise Vienna waits for you
Saturday 15 May 2010
Ex factor
I mentioned briefly on here before about meeting my ex on the bank holiday weekend coming up didn't I? I felt the need the other day to bleat on here about it, but was too tired, so this is more or less the running commentary in my head.
See this ex ... he doesn't feel like a normal ex. Not to me. I met him because he was Joanne's housemate. In fact, she, another girl, and another guy, had decided to live together and needed a fourth roommate. They all picked the rooms, then they picked him. So he got the dud room. Then I came over to Joanne's house, a good 200 miles away from my own uni, to go to a mcfly gig (rather than a dissertation meeting. God, no wonder I only left with a third with that attitude, right? My friends will always be most important to me though, them and my son.) The day before the gig, we went to their SU bar. This ex, who we'll call Pete for now, was the only housemate of Joanne's to come with us. I'd already stolen one of his pizza's, with Joanne's help, if I remember properly. Joanne sloped off to the loos and next thing I know, I'm making out with Pete. Fastest I've ever moved, and completely out of my normal behavioural patterns. Joanne had gone on purpose, 'to see what would happen'. Crafty.
I haven't really gone out with a lot of people. I mean, I've had a couple of boyfriends - fewer than my high school friends would have you believe - but before Pete came along, I'd been single a good 5 years. I tend to wait for someone special, rather than use dating as a crux - that's not meant as a dig at anyone, because no one who I know reads this blog behaves that way, but a lot of people I know are like that - anyway, when I have gone out with guys before ... it's a little like Carrie and Sebastian (now you have to read Carrie's Diaries, ha!). I kind of lose what intelligence I have. I think I have fat girl syndrome or something (OMFG, a guy likes me, he can have me!). Whatever. Pete was different to that end. When Joanne and I got back from the mcfly gig, we sat up with her housemates, and Pete got a full dose of zeeness. I think at one point I accused him of making me look up his nose. Anyway. Joanne had a go at him when we wanted to go to bed so he'd bugger off and let us sleep.
So we started talking when I was back in Lincoln, by text and email/msn (they didn't have facebook then. I don't think myspace had quite taken off either, but I could be mistaken) and I think I was back down there that weekend. My friend Jess, who when I see her I can't stop talking to (this also, rarely happens. We used to stand by the swans bay at Brayford pool in Lincoln and talk for like, three hours after lectures. Our chess games in the local Ottakars were legendary, especially when I lost and threw the pieces into the erotica section nearby), used to have such a go at me - this is our third year, got to apply myself, blahblahblah ... but I'm not sure she got it. She wasn't there the year before when I was trying to convince one of our friends not to off herself. She got on okay with our lecturers, I didn't. My other friend, Scott, was a lot more understanding, since he loathed the uni and we did our projects together, minimal efforts.
The first time I went to visit Pete and Joanne for Pete, they ended up screaming at each other in the local supermarket. Sign of things to come lol ... but that freaked me out. Because I couldn't see what it was they hated about each other, because I liked them both so much. And Joanne's one of my best friends, and she was sort of sticking up for me (this was back in the days when I was veggie, and about food. He still doesn't get the vegetarian thing) and they both walked away and I thought 'crap'. Because I was there for Pete but like I said, Joanne's my best friend. So I went after Pete, thinking, this is a new thing, and I'm going to make sure he knows just how wonderful she is. I think they agreed, not to get along, but to be civil.
God, Pete's uni room was crappy. It was by the bit they stored all the garden stuff in, or the ironing board and such. It smelt a little mildewy. He had a single, with the thinnest mattress ever. Towards the end of term, I used to just kick him out of bed and make him sleep on the floor. That's not to say I didn't love being there - it was the most I've seen any of the mcfans. And Pete was easy to talk to, be me around. I could be pretty honest with him (lol, when I met his parents on his birthday weekend, I decided not to have a starter when we went for dinner. When his mum objected he was like 'oh, if she wants something, she'll probably steal it off my plate'. I did. Two stuffed mushrooms. And I didn't even ask, lol). I'd like to think he was honest with me ... but who knows?
He knew a lot of girls. It didn't exactly put me off, but he talked to his exes. And I always wondered why - most of my exes don't live near me, and they were all pretty big jerks so there was never a reason to stay in touch - but if I asked questions, trying to fathom it out, he acted like I was jealous. I guess I was, but I just wasn't articulate enough to explain the aspect I was jealous of. I wasn't jealous they knew him, and still knew him after that time. I was jealous of his ability to stay in touch, to be that warm to someone after the relationship ended. I liked to think of it more as curiousity. Besides, we both knew that for some inexplicable reason, he liked me more than I liked him. And I liked him a lot ... it was just a fact that there was that incriment more on his side (I have theories about that, that relationships only really work if the guy's committed. If he doesn't love you more, he won't really be interested, and it'll be doomed. If a girl's doing all the legwork ... it's best to get out). I realise that this comes off as arrogant but it really wasn't. Maybe it's my sense of humour or something, he might not always have known where he stood on my radar as much as I knew where I was on his. A fact backed up by this one occasion, when I complimented him, and he basically told the entire village.
I mean, we had our ups and downs. Once or twice, he'd have a lecture and leave me in the house. If Joanne was in lectures too, I'd go through his books. If I did that, he knew I'd be unresponsive until I'd finished. He tried to put me off in 'Are You Dave Gorman?' by telling me what was coming. So I ignored him completely. He let me drag him to see Harry Potter 4 with Joanne and her boyfriend. He'd complain about Joanne occasionally, but I'd tell him to shut up - at least when we were going out, Joanne had the good grace to keep her opinions mainly to herself. I heard most of them after.
If we went to a restaurant, he'd get a little funny. I didn't have much money, since I'd had issues with my LEA (as I explained in my 'Catty' post) and he'd be like 'but I'm paying for you' so I'd order the cheapest thing on the menu, and stick to coke. He didn't, and bought beer. Fine, it's his money. But then he'd get the bill and be like 'ohhhh' and even though I spent £30 a time visiting him, and had next to no money, he'd guilt trip me into splitting the bill. I got so mad at him for doing that, because a pizza from Iceland is like, £2 and we would've probably had a better time making do in his room. But it was almost like sometimes, he wanted to forget he was still just a student. And he'd remember when we were charged.
We went to Paris just before Valentines day, since my 21st was a week before, and his was a few weeks away. For the most part it was good, we went up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and walked around these garden things the other side of the seine. We rode on the metro to see this Beatles exhibition way over near Disneyland. But there was one bad moment ... we were eating one night and he started preaching all this stuff about vegetarians and how all the reasons they use for it are stupid and he couldn't see how much he was upsetting me. And then he realised he'd left his wallet in the hotel room and I had to use my card, which didn't have much money on. He couldn't see how upset I was with him, it was like he'd personally insulted me. I walked away from him, and he didn't try to cheer me up. It took me a long time to get over that, especially as his apology just made me feel worse. Because he just defended what he was saying and still didn't get why it was such a slap in the face.
To be honest, that's when we started going downhill. Maybe I just never got over being told my reasons for my life choices were a load of horseshit, to put it nicely. Maybe it grated on me a little that he thought he could have a go at my best friend whenever he wanted. I know I started acting off with him, even though I loved him. In a way I still kind of do (I tried to explain this theory to him recently and he was a little like 'but I'm with someone else, we can't happen' and I was going 'but I don't want to go out again, I just think once you love someone, that's it, you love them. If you say it, you've got to always mean it, otherwise it was never love' etc etc). I think I was in a mess anyway, with uni ending and having to go back to the job I'm in now. The job I could've had without my AS and A2 levels or my degree. And we had some good times between Paris and the five months later when we broke up - like when Joanne and Pete's friend down the street threw a chav party and we had a barbeque that wouldn't cook so 5 or 6 of us found forks and just ate this chocolate gataeux straight out of the box, or the trip to Eastbourne where we had the funniest night at the Toby Carvery, if I could just remember what was said. Or even just sitting in this weird nook in the cliffs and watching the jetskis half hidden by this bush, just talking. Going to a Kaiser Chief concert, and almost getting doinked by chavs who actually started a riot, then going to Bournemouth with my family next day.
I think my point was, I was getting cabin fever anyway. I'd always relied on my education because that was all that was pumped into me and it was the end of the road for my education and I really didn't know what I wanted to do - and I still don't. Writing is a lucrative hobby - I took a lot of it out on him. We used to talk about living together ... having kids together. I know I was starting to screw it all up. It was getting harder for us to see each other, he didn't like coming to Lincoln and I didn't have much more money, and when we talked online (since it was cheaper than texting) I was increasingly bitchy and sarcastic. I used to say to my friends I wanted to break up with him, but when reality came ... I didn't. We met up to talk about it, but the words didn't come. And when I thought they might, another girl texted him, asking to meet, and he ran off to the other side of London. I think he'd set it up before, a scapegoat in case it went wrong but ... that was when I knew I'd definitely messed it up enough to lose him. And whatever Joanne might think of him, that hurt. He did have his good points, even if I haven't expounded them up above very well (he was patient with me, he didn't laugh at my eccentricities ... these are golden points that just about wipe out him making me pay £15 I didn't have on food I didn't really want). I asked if she was his new girlfriend a little while later and he said no ... but within the month, they were going out.
And people at work knew we'd broken up. Someone started trying to matchmake me. I already knew from the shambles of the last few months with Pete that I wasn't ready to be with anyone, that I had so much to work through first before I went there. But I also knew that with the way my life was going, I didn't have much energy. I couldn't fight the matchmaking. I hit my own self-destruct button. I didn't really care what happened.
I got set up with a complete numpty. Not my usual type either, but not a patch on Pete. He acted about 5, and that suited me at the time. He was a horrible 'boyfriend'. We'd meet up, very occasionally, and when I suggested a hundred things to do, he'd shut off, then complain of being bored, and insisted I find something to do. Grrrrr - at least Pete was full of ideas and compromises. All Sam wanted to do was skateboard, play computer games, and be intimidated by this cow we know.
So it's really no surprise I ended up pregnant, right? I was punishing myself and Sam treated sex like a boredom filler, not that it was any good (I mean, Pete wasn't amazing either, but at least there was some connection there. Normally I don't talk about this sort of thing, because I don't want to know others love lives, but since I'm explaining how boy came to be ...). I wasn't surprised I was pregnant. I was surprised that was all Sam gave me, knowing the girls he's been with. He dumped me pretty much the moment I told him. He didn't say it, but gave me back half the DVD's and CD's I'd lent him (I got the rest back about 6 months ago. So when our son was about hitting the 2 mark). I told him, flat out, that the only way I'd consider abortion was if he said he wanted me to, otherwise boy was coming and it would get harder to deal with. He still didn't have the balls to talk to me, not even with that kind of an out. It was a complete blag anyway, since there was no way in hell I'd have one. Yes, I screwed up, I'd consciously screwed up, but if I erased my mistakes or didn't make the efforts to correct them I'd do it again. I kept my son and decided to raise him as well as possible, to make up for my 6 months of insanity. It's not the mistakes you make that make you who you are, but how you turn them around ...
... Sam still doesn't have anything to do with boy. He says his mother won't let him, but that's the biggest load I've heard. He's an adult, does his mothers opinion have that much weight? I tried to get him to see boy through a solicitor, but all they could do was set up CSA stuff.
At least I started talking to Pete again. I think he knows I was rebounding badly when I saw Sam, and I think he knows that's how boy came about, but we never talk about that. I like Pete better as a friend, it's easier to ignore the bad and enjoy the good. I don't have to worry about loyalties, because he knows Joanne comes first now, and I don't have to compromise on that. And we can talk and I'm a little better at standing up for myself, letting him know he's gone too far (even if it's said in a jokey way that sometimes he doesn't get right away) but I still haven't seen him face-to-face since boy and Sam. So next weekend is going to be so weird.
Sorry if I sounded callous with any of this. I'll probably delete it in a couple of days, regretting that it wasn't the 'I love Pete' fest I'd originally imagined it to be. I'll never tell boy that he was a rebound baby, an intentional mistake ... I love him too much for anything like that. If I have to lie and say I was desperate to have him before I got sick, I will.
See this ex ... he doesn't feel like a normal ex. Not to me. I met him because he was Joanne's housemate. In fact, she, another girl, and another guy, had decided to live together and needed a fourth roommate. They all picked the rooms, then they picked him. So he got the dud room. Then I came over to Joanne's house, a good 200 miles away from my own uni, to go to a mcfly gig (rather than a dissertation meeting. God, no wonder I only left with a third with that attitude, right? My friends will always be most important to me though, them and my son.) The day before the gig, we went to their SU bar. This ex, who we'll call Pete for now, was the only housemate of Joanne's to come with us. I'd already stolen one of his pizza's, with Joanne's help, if I remember properly. Joanne sloped off to the loos and next thing I know, I'm making out with Pete. Fastest I've ever moved, and completely out of my normal behavioural patterns. Joanne had gone on purpose, 'to see what would happen'. Crafty.
I haven't really gone out with a lot of people. I mean, I've had a couple of boyfriends - fewer than my high school friends would have you believe - but before Pete came along, I'd been single a good 5 years. I tend to wait for someone special, rather than use dating as a crux - that's not meant as a dig at anyone, because no one who I know reads this blog behaves that way, but a lot of people I know are like that - anyway, when I have gone out with guys before ... it's a little like Carrie and Sebastian (now you have to read Carrie's Diaries, ha!). I kind of lose what intelligence I have. I think I have fat girl syndrome or something (OMFG, a guy likes me, he can have me!). Whatever. Pete was different to that end. When Joanne and I got back from the mcfly gig, we sat up with her housemates, and Pete got a full dose of zeeness. I think at one point I accused him of making me look up his nose. Anyway. Joanne had a go at him when we wanted to go to bed so he'd bugger off and let us sleep.
So we started talking when I was back in Lincoln, by text and email/msn (they didn't have facebook then. I don't think myspace had quite taken off either, but I could be mistaken) and I think I was back down there that weekend. My friend Jess, who when I see her I can't stop talking to (this also, rarely happens. We used to stand by the swans bay at Brayford pool in Lincoln and talk for like, three hours after lectures. Our chess games in the local Ottakars were legendary, especially when I lost and threw the pieces into the erotica section nearby), used to have such a go at me - this is our third year, got to apply myself, blahblahblah ... but I'm not sure she got it. She wasn't there the year before when I was trying to convince one of our friends not to off herself. She got on okay with our lecturers, I didn't. My other friend, Scott, was a lot more understanding, since he loathed the uni and we did our projects together, minimal efforts.
The first time I went to visit Pete and Joanne for Pete, they ended up screaming at each other in the local supermarket. Sign of things to come lol ... but that freaked me out. Because I couldn't see what it was they hated about each other, because I liked them both so much. And Joanne's one of my best friends, and she was sort of sticking up for me (this was back in the days when I was veggie, and about food. He still doesn't get the vegetarian thing) and they both walked away and I thought 'crap'. Because I was there for Pete but like I said, Joanne's my best friend. So I went after Pete, thinking, this is a new thing, and I'm going to make sure he knows just how wonderful she is. I think they agreed, not to get along, but to be civil.
God, Pete's uni room was crappy. It was by the bit they stored all the garden stuff in, or the ironing board and such. It smelt a little mildewy. He had a single, with the thinnest mattress ever. Towards the end of term, I used to just kick him out of bed and make him sleep on the floor. That's not to say I didn't love being there - it was the most I've seen any of the mcfans. And Pete was easy to talk to, be me around. I could be pretty honest with him (lol, when I met his parents on his birthday weekend, I decided not to have a starter when we went for dinner. When his mum objected he was like 'oh, if she wants something, she'll probably steal it off my plate'. I did. Two stuffed mushrooms. And I didn't even ask, lol). I'd like to think he was honest with me ... but who knows?
He knew a lot of girls. It didn't exactly put me off, but he talked to his exes. And I always wondered why - most of my exes don't live near me, and they were all pretty big jerks so there was never a reason to stay in touch - but if I asked questions, trying to fathom it out, he acted like I was jealous. I guess I was, but I just wasn't articulate enough to explain the aspect I was jealous of. I wasn't jealous they knew him, and still knew him after that time. I was jealous of his ability to stay in touch, to be that warm to someone after the relationship ended. I liked to think of it more as curiousity. Besides, we both knew that for some inexplicable reason, he liked me more than I liked him. And I liked him a lot ... it was just a fact that there was that incriment more on his side (I have theories about that, that relationships only really work if the guy's committed. If he doesn't love you more, he won't really be interested, and it'll be doomed. If a girl's doing all the legwork ... it's best to get out). I realise that this comes off as arrogant but it really wasn't. Maybe it's my sense of humour or something, he might not always have known where he stood on my radar as much as I knew where I was on his. A fact backed up by this one occasion, when I complimented him, and he basically told the entire village.
I mean, we had our ups and downs. Once or twice, he'd have a lecture and leave me in the house. If Joanne was in lectures too, I'd go through his books. If I did that, he knew I'd be unresponsive until I'd finished. He tried to put me off in 'Are You Dave Gorman?' by telling me what was coming. So I ignored him completely. He let me drag him to see Harry Potter 4 with Joanne and her boyfriend. He'd complain about Joanne occasionally, but I'd tell him to shut up - at least when we were going out, Joanne had the good grace to keep her opinions mainly to herself. I heard most of them after.
If we went to a restaurant, he'd get a little funny. I didn't have much money, since I'd had issues with my LEA (as I explained in my 'Catty' post) and he'd be like 'but I'm paying for you' so I'd order the cheapest thing on the menu, and stick to coke. He didn't, and bought beer. Fine, it's his money. But then he'd get the bill and be like 'ohhhh' and even though I spent £30 a time visiting him, and had next to no money, he'd guilt trip me into splitting the bill. I got so mad at him for doing that, because a pizza from Iceland is like, £2 and we would've probably had a better time making do in his room. But it was almost like sometimes, he wanted to forget he was still just a student. And he'd remember when we were charged.
We went to Paris just before Valentines day, since my 21st was a week before, and his was a few weeks away. For the most part it was good, we went up to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and walked around these garden things the other side of the seine. We rode on the metro to see this Beatles exhibition way over near Disneyland. But there was one bad moment ... we were eating one night and he started preaching all this stuff about vegetarians and how all the reasons they use for it are stupid and he couldn't see how much he was upsetting me. And then he realised he'd left his wallet in the hotel room and I had to use my card, which didn't have much money on. He couldn't see how upset I was with him, it was like he'd personally insulted me. I walked away from him, and he didn't try to cheer me up. It took me a long time to get over that, especially as his apology just made me feel worse. Because he just defended what he was saying and still didn't get why it was such a slap in the face.
To be honest, that's when we started going downhill. Maybe I just never got over being told my reasons for my life choices were a load of horseshit, to put it nicely. Maybe it grated on me a little that he thought he could have a go at my best friend whenever he wanted. I know I started acting off with him, even though I loved him. In a way I still kind of do (I tried to explain this theory to him recently and he was a little like 'but I'm with someone else, we can't happen' and I was going 'but I don't want to go out again, I just think once you love someone, that's it, you love them. If you say it, you've got to always mean it, otherwise it was never love' etc etc). I think I was in a mess anyway, with uni ending and having to go back to the job I'm in now. The job I could've had without my AS and A2 levels or my degree. And we had some good times between Paris and the five months later when we broke up - like when Joanne and Pete's friend down the street threw a chav party and we had a barbeque that wouldn't cook so 5 or 6 of us found forks and just ate this chocolate gataeux straight out of the box, or the trip to Eastbourne where we had the funniest night at the Toby Carvery, if I could just remember what was said. Or even just sitting in this weird nook in the cliffs and watching the jetskis half hidden by this bush, just talking. Going to a Kaiser Chief concert, and almost getting doinked by chavs who actually started a riot, then going to Bournemouth with my family next day.
I think my point was, I was getting cabin fever anyway. I'd always relied on my education because that was all that was pumped into me and it was the end of the road for my education and I really didn't know what I wanted to do - and I still don't. Writing is a lucrative hobby - I took a lot of it out on him. We used to talk about living together ... having kids together. I know I was starting to screw it all up. It was getting harder for us to see each other, he didn't like coming to Lincoln and I didn't have much more money, and when we talked online (since it was cheaper than texting) I was increasingly bitchy and sarcastic. I used to say to my friends I wanted to break up with him, but when reality came ... I didn't. We met up to talk about it, but the words didn't come. And when I thought they might, another girl texted him, asking to meet, and he ran off to the other side of London. I think he'd set it up before, a scapegoat in case it went wrong but ... that was when I knew I'd definitely messed it up enough to lose him. And whatever Joanne might think of him, that hurt. He did have his good points, even if I haven't expounded them up above very well (he was patient with me, he didn't laugh at my eccentricities ... these are golden points that just about wipe out him making me pay £15 I didn't have on food I didn't really want). I asked if she was his new girlfriend a little while later and he said no ... but within the month, they were going out.
And people at work knew we'd broken up. Someone started trying to matchmake me. I already knew from the shambles of the last few months with Pete that I wasn't ready to be with anyone, that I had so much to work through first before I went there. But I also knew that with the way my life was going, I didn't have much energy. I couldn't fight the matchmaking. I hit my own self-destruct button. I didn't really care what happened.
I got set up with a complete numpty. Not my usual type either, but not a patch on Pete. He acted about 5, and that suited me at the time. He was a horrible 'boyfriend'. We'd meet up, very occasionally, and when I suggested a hundred things to do, he'd shut off, then complain of being bored, and insisted I find something to do. Grrrrr - at least Pete was full of ideas and compromises. All Sam wanted to do was skateboard, play computer games, and be intimidated by this cow we know.
So it's really no surprise I ended up pregnant, right? I was punishing myself and Sam treated sex like a boredom filler, not that it was any good (I mean, Pete wasn't amazing either, but at least there was some connection there. Normally I don't talk about this sort of thing, because I don't want to know others love lives, but since I'm explaining how boy came to be ...). I wasn't surprised I was pregnant. I was surprised that was all Sam gave me, knowing the girls he's been with. He dumped me pretty much the moment I told him. He didn't say it, but gave me back half the DVD's and CD's I'd lent him (I got the rest back about 6 months ago. So when our son was about hitting the 2 mark). I told him, flat out, that the only way I'd consider abortion was if he said he wanted me to, otherwise boy was coming and it would get harder to deal with. He still didn't have the balls to talk to me, not even with that kind of an out. It was a complete blag anyway, since there was no way in hell I'd have one. Yes, I screwed up, I'd consciously screwed up, but if I erased my mistakes or didn't make the efforts to correct them I'd do it again. I kept my son and decided to raise him as well as possible, to make up for my 6 months of insanity. It's not the mistakes you make that make you who you are, but how you turn them around ...
... Sam still doesn't have anything to do with boy. He says his mother won't let him, but that's the biggest load I've heard. He's an adult, does his mothers opinion have that much weight? I tried to get him to see boy through a solicitor, but all they could do was set up CSA stuff.
At least I started talking to Pete again. I think he knows I was rebounding badly when I saw Sam, and I think he knows that's how boy came about, but we never talk about that. I like Pete better as a friend, it's easier to ignore the bad and enjoy the good. I don't have to worry about loyalties, because he knows Joanne comes first now, and I don't have to compromise on that. And we can talk and I'm a little better at standing up for myself, letting him know he's gone too far (even if it's said in a jokey way that sometimes he doesn't get right away) but I still haven't seen him face-to-face since boy and Sam. So next weekend is going to be so weird.
Sorry if I sounded callous with any of this. I'll probably delete it in a couple of days, regretting that it wasn't the 'I love Pete' fest I'd originally imagined it to be. I'll never tell boy that he was a rebound baby, an intentional mistake ... I love him too much for anything like that. If I have to lie and say I was desperate to have him before I got sick, I will.
Breaking promises
I promised myself, that when I finished Carrie's Diaries, I'd buckle down and revise for my theory test.
But then my friend let me on to the release date for The Tree Of Seasons, the book Stephen Gately was almost through writing when he died. She's already finished it (she says she knew Stephen and Andrew well. Think that means she got sent it early. Either that or she pre-ordered. Knowing her, it was the first option) but it was only released Thursday.
So I finished Carrie's Diaries today, and have already started on The Tree Of Seasons. I am so bad. It's going well so far, if a little slow. I get the feeling he's writing some Irish folklore into The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe.
Ordinarily, I would consider it blasphemy to try to replicate The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, but Stephen Gately seemed so genuine and warm, and had a huge appreciation for Disney that I'm not sure I can be all rude about it. Especially as he's now deceased. So I'll get over my normal vehemence, because Stephen Gately was a dude.
Anyway, Carrie's Diaries! I wasn't ever an avid watcher of Sex And The City, and have never read the books that the films are based on. I did watch it occasionally, and immediately fell in love with Samantha. I could take Carrie or leave her, Miranda would annoy me too much since she's too like me, and Charlotte's pretty cool, but Samantha has that confidence I'd love to have. So the prequel intrigued me.
The only character really in it is Carrie, and a whole bunch of 'new' characters. I wish Cassie read this, and commented, because I know she's really into SATC and she'd be able to tell me if Carrie ever mentioned a Lali, or Donna LaDonna (Samantha's cousin), or Maggie or The Mouse ... I just have to guess. Or spend an obscene amount of money on the series to see if there's a mention of any of them (or not, I think I saw it dirt cheap in tesco's. But I spent about £70 today so there's no chance) ... I might just plague Cassie on facebook.
Candace has a great writing style. I'm envious. There were a few things that didn't sit right with me - I didn't really get that Carrie felt so enamoured with Sebastian (or maybe it was me thinking 'he's a douche, he's a douche' the entire time) or the whole bit with Peter (you'll see when you get there, I want everyone to read) but otherwise, I liked the way Carrie came across. When Donna LaDonna mentioned a cousin in NYC who Carrie should meet up with, I could tell right off who it could be, which made me want to skip pages (always a good sign in a writer, if I have to restrain from doing that and get on with the minor details instead). There were some things written in the book that kind of sparked something, some hint of recognition, when Carrie was talking about wanting to be a writer and the advice she's given along the way. Sidebar - I hate when authors make their protagonists aspire to be writers. It just feels like they're making a mockery of the entire system, being so preachy about the chances of being published and blah, blah, blah. However, I do know Carrie wrote weekly for a magazine or paper, so this always felt a little more like realistic back story than, say, anything Lindsey Kelk ever wrote.
Advice point one - write what you know. That old adage. To this point, I think when I write I both succeed and fail. I'm an observer, and I've had a fair amount of life experience. To that end, I can write a hell of a lot of what I know. But also ... maybe I try to distance myself from what I know to an extent, and put the experiences in different locations, situations ... so it's not what I know. Does this doom me to poor writing ever after?
Advice point two - Keep a diary. Or, in this modern age, a blog. Carrie doesn't, but I do. Admittedly, intermittently, but I do. It helps practice writing and documenting key points in life. It helps to formulate writing style and precision. It's like with anything to do with body and mind - if you don't practice, you won't do as well for as long. I know sometimes I may only make sense to me (and sometimes, I don't even achieve that) but hopefully we can bear in mind the crazy from the illness episode and use that as a formidable excuse. I don't know what's with my extensive vocabulary suddenly, by the way. It's the mood I'm in.
Advice point three - I'm going to have to lift this from the text, because it's far more eloquent than I can be. "Audiences often ask if characters are based on 'real people.' Indeed, the impulse of the amateur is to write about 'who one knows.' The professional, on the other hand, understands the impossibility of such a task. The 'creator' of the character must know more about the character than one could ever possibly know about a 'real person.' The author must possess complete knowledge: what the character was wearing on Christmas morning when he or she was five, what presents he or she received, who have them, and how they were given. A 'character' therefore, is a 'real person' who exists in another plane, a parallel universe based on the author's perception of reality. When it comes to people - don't write about you know know, but what you know of human nature."
I get that. I feel I do that. Feedback when you read my stuff?
P.S. Is this not the most affirmative review I've given so far on my blog or what? Not to sound arrogant ... it's just nice to be able to praise writing, rather than complain about it. In short - Candace Bushnell makes none of the rookie mistakes I make that I recognise in others work. Kudos Ms Bushnell, Kudos.
But then my friend let me on to the release date for The Tree Of Seasons, the book Stephen Gately was almost through writing when he died. She's already finished it (she says she knew Stephen and Andrew well. Think that means she got sent it early. Either that or she pre-ordered. Knowing her, it was the first option) but it was only released Thursday.
So I finished Carrie's Diaries today, and have already started on The Tree Of Seasons. I am so bad. It's going well so far, if a little slow. I get the feeling he's writing some Irish folklore into The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe.
Ordinarily, I would consider it blasphemy to try to replicate The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, but Stephen Gately seemed so genuine and warm, and had a huge appreciation for Disney that I'm not sure I can be all rude about it. Especially as he's now deceased. So I'll get over my normal vehemence, because Stephen Gately was a dude.
Anyway, Carrie's Diaries! I wasn't ever an avid watcher of Sex And The City, and have never read the books that the films are based on. I did watch it occasionally, and immediately fell in love with Samantha. I could take Carrie or leave her, Miranda would annoy me too much since she's too like me, and Charlotte's pretty cool, but Samantha has that confidence I'd love to have. So the prequel intrigued me.
The only character really in it is Carrie, and a whole bunch of 'new' characters. I wish Cassie read this, and commented, because I know she's really into SATC and she'd be able to tell me if Carrie ever mentioned a Lali, or Donna LaDonna (Samantha's cousin), or Maggie or The Mouse ... I just have to guess. Or spend an obscene amount of money on the series to see if there's a mention of any of them (or not, I think I saw it dirt cheap in tesco's. But I spent about £70 today so there's no chance) ... I might just plague Cassie on facebook.
Candace has a great writing style. I'm envious. There were a few things that didn't sit right with me - I didn't really get that Carrie felt so enamoured with Sebastian (or maybe it was me thinking 'he's a douche, he's a douche' the entire time) or the whole bit with Peter (you'll see when you get there, I want everyone to read) but otherwise, I liked the way Carrie came across. When Donna LaDonna mentioned a cousin in NYC who Carrie should meet up with, I could tell right off who it could be, which made me want to skip pages (always a good sign in a writer, if I have to restrain from doing that and get on with the minor details instead). There were some things written in the book that kind of sparked something, some hint of recognition, when Carrie was talking about wanting to be a writer and the advice she's given along the way. Sidebar - I hate when authors make their protagonists aspire to be writers. It just feels like they're making a mockery of the entire system, being so preachy about the chances of being published and blah, blah, blah. However, I do know Carrie wrote weekly for a magazine or paper, so this always felt a little more like realistic back story than, say, anything Lindsey Kelk ever wrote.
Advice point one - write what you know. That old adage. To this point, I think when I write I both succeed and fail. I'm an observer, and I've had a fair amount of life experience. To that end, I can write a hell of a lot of what I know. But also ... maybe I try to distance myself from what I know to an extent, and put the experiences in different locations, situations ... so it's not what I know. Does this doom me to poor writing ever after?
Advice point two - Keep a diary. Or, in this modern age, a blog. Carrie doesn't, but I do. Admittedly, intermittently, but I do. It helps practice writing and documenting key points in life. It helps to formulate writing style and precision. It's like with anything to do with body and mind - if you don't practice, you won't do as well for as long. I know sometimes I may only make sense to me (and sometimes, I don't even achieve that) but hopefully we can bear in mind the crazy from the illness episode and use that as a formidable excuse. I don't know what's with my extensive vocabulary suddenly, by the way. It's the mood I'm in.
Advice point three - I'm going to have to lift this from the text, because it's far more eloquent than I can be. "Audiences often ask if characters are based on 'real people.' Indeed, the impulse of the amateur is to write about 'who one knows.' The professional, on the other hand, understands the impossibility of such a task. The 'creator' of the character must know more about the character than one could ever possibly know about a 'real person.' The author must possess complete knowledge: what the character was wearing on Christmas morning when he or she was five, what presents he or she received, who have them, and how they were given. A 'character' therefore, is a 'real person' who exists in another plane, a parallel universe based on the author's perception of reality. When it comes to people - don't write about you know know, but what you know of human nature."
I get that. I feel I do that. Feedback when you read my stuff?
P.S. Is this not the most affirmative review I've given so far on my blog or what? Not to sound arrogant ... it's just nice to be able to praise writing, rather than complain about it. In short - Candace Bushnell makes none of the rookie mistakes I make that I recognise in others work. Kudos Ms Bushnell, Kudos.
Friday 14 May 2010
Hit the brakes!
I'm knackered. I can't get to sleep and then I wake up way too early and work's nonstop and boy's pushing his bedtimes ... I just want a day of nothingness. But I don't think I'll get that any time soon. It's girls day with my sisters and mum tomorrow, and Sunday it'll be me and boy. Monday too. And then it's back to work. And I'll probably not stop until that Sunday. And the weekend after, I'll be meeting up with the ex ... I hope he doesn't expect me to do loads, lol.
In one way, it's good. I'm hoping not stopping will give me a chance to lose some weight, without my gallbladder I'm gaining weight so easily (and working where I work, the atmosphere alone adds a couple of pounds). I need the excercise lol. Getting on my wii more too, doing Just Dance, wii Sports and this Cheerleader game I have (which I keep forgetting to swap hands on, so sit there for half a routine set going 'work Inverted T, work!')
I'm going to start introducing counts by the way. Count downs, count ups. Some will be related to events in life, and some are a more personal thing - how many days I walked from the nursery to work. Days I went without eating wheat (I'm wheat intolerant too). Days I avoided tescos (not including jacket potatoes on my break) ... that sort of thing. That way, I get to compete with myself and lose the weight. I want to fit into all my nice things for summer without having to buy loads of size 14 things.
Oh, and I have some news, which I can't announce on places like facebook. One of my sisters is pregnant! If you know enough of my family history (and I'm not delving in there atm) then you'll know which sister. I thought she was joking, because my mum said she had news and my brother said 'are you pregnant?' (which he's said like, a billion times before, but now he's taking credit for his insight. Umm ...) and she was like 'yep!' and showed us the scan photo's. They like the names Ruby and Oliver atm, but that could all change. It's weird, because I almost called my boy Oliver. It's an old family name. But I went with another family name (we've got about three, all for boys) for my boy's middle name instead. So yeah ... it's due late November. Can't wait! When I'm in Florida, half my money's going on OshKosh B'Gosh, Gymboree and Carters (they're kids stores, and so much better than anything in England for kids).
Days until the ex - 14
Days until Florida - 76
Days without wheat - 0 (stupid delicious tesco's cafe cakes)
Days without buying sweets - 3 (if we don't count any the boy has)
Days until I work again - 3
In one way, it's good. I'm hoping not stopping will give me a chance to lose some weight, without my gallbladder I'm gaining weight so easily (and working where I work, the atmosphere alone adds a couple of pounds). I need the excercise lol. Getting on my wii more too, doing Just Dance, wii Sports and this Cheerleader game I have (which I keep forgetting to swap hands on, so sit there for half a routine set going 'work Inverted T, work!')
I'm going to start introducing counts by the way. Count downs, count ups. Some will be related to events in life, and some are a more personal thing - how many days I walked from the nursery to work. Days I went without eating wheat (I'm wheat intolerant too). Days I avoided tescos (not including jacket potatoes on my break) ... that sort of thing. That way, I get to compete with myself and lose the weight. I want to fit into all my nice things for summer without having to buy loads of size 14 things.
Oh, and I have some news, which I can't announce on places like facebook. One of my sisters is pregnant! If you know enough of my family history (and I'm not delving in there atm) then you'll know which sister. I thought she was joking, because my mum said she had news and my brother said 'are you pregnant?' (which he's said like, a billion times before, but now he's taking credit for his insight. Umm ...) and she was like 'yep!' and showed us the scan photo's. They like the names Ruby and Oliver atm, but that could all change. It's weird, because I almost called my boy Oliver. It's an old family name. But I went with another family name (we've got about three, all for boys) for my boy's middle name instead. So yeah ... it's due late November. Can't wait! When I'm in Florida, half my money's going on OshKosh B'Gosh, Gymboree and Carters (they're kids stores, and so much better than anything in England for kids).
Days until the ex - 14
Days until Florida - 76
Days without wheat - 0 (stupid delicious tesco's cafe cakes)
Days without buying sweets - 3 (if we don't count any the boy has)
Days until I work again - 3
Wednesday 12 May 2010
Ahhh, that's nice
Carrie's Diaries are going well. I think the trick is to pretend the blurb didn't inspire me to create a basic storyline in my head.
Or maybe I should rewrite some books how I'd want to read them ...
This is all I'm blogging btw. I need to pee. And to immortalise that factoid online.
Or maybe I should rewrite some books how I'd want to read them ...
This is all I'm blogging btw. I need to pee. And to immortalise that factoid online.
Tuesday 11 May 2010
There's £5.99 I won't see again
First of all, congratulations are in order - I finished another book that killed my brain cells.
Should've seen it coming, since Stephenie Meyer has a quote on the front cover (that, Lizzy, is a dig at Stephenie Meyer!)
Urrrrgh ... the Girl Who Could Fly was a disappointment! I thought it would be a lovely story, about a girl learning she had this ability to fly and how she practiced and how she became this huge phenomena. Like if Babe: The Sheeppig was a flying girl. Something heartwarming and awe-inspiring, to make you want to fly too.
Instead it was some backwater hick who could fly, who got taken away from her yokel parents to this secure facility. And it turned out the woman in charge was evil, and drugging the kids there to make them 'normal'. And the bully kid turned out to be the genius trying to save his friends. Then it turned out he could plan an escape. Then he stabbed them in the back. Then the girl lost the power of flight, and one of the kids had the power of healing (which he'd forgotten until that moment) and gave it back to her. Then they staged a coup, and broke free, but the woman in charge escaped and it turned out she could fly, and had killed her sister doing it, and they fight in mid-air before the woman has a change of heart and falls to her death. And then they all live happily ever after on the farm the backwater hick came from.
Well, goshdern it all, if it don't not read like that above statement with this here below type talking.
The plot twists were so contrite, like she'd written them because she realised she worked herself into a hole. Nothing made sense, because none of it was organic. Sometimes Victoria, you have to let the characters take charge. If you want them to get from A to B and they discover point C in between, let them go in that direction ... you'll be surprised how many plotholes you can cover up that way.
I'm sick of disappointing books. I mean, Solace wasn't ... I'm onto the Carrie Diaries now.
Should've seen it coming, since Stephenie Meyer has a quote on the front cover (that, Lizzy, is a dig at Stephenie Meyer!)
Urrrrgh ... the Girl Who Could Fly was a disappointment! I thought it would be a lovely story, about a girl learning she had this ability to fly and how she practiced and how she became this huge phenomena. Like if Babe: The Sheeppig was a flying girl. Something heartwarming and awe-inspiring, to make you want to fly too.
Instead it was some backwater hick who could fly, who got taken away from her yokel parents to this secure facility. And it turned out the woman in charge was evil, and drugging the kids there to make them 'normal'. And the bully kid turned out to be the genius trying to save his friends. Then it turned out he could plan an escape. Then he stabbed them in the back. Then the girl lost the power of flight, and one of the kids had the power of healing (which he'd forgotten until that moment) and gave it back to her. Then they staged a coup, and broke free, but the woman in charge escaped and it turned out she could fly, and had killed her sister doing it, and they fight in mid-air before the woman has a change of heart and falls to her death. And then they all live happily ever after on the farm the backwater hick came from.
Well, goshdern it all, if it don't not read like that above statement with this here below type talking.
The plot twists were so contrite, like she'd written them because she realised she worked herself into a hole. Nothing made sense, because none of it was organic. Sometimes Victoria, you have to let the characters take charge. If you want them to get from A to B and they discover point C in between, let them go in that direction ... you'll be surprised how many plotholes you can cover up that way.
I'm sick of disappointing books. I mean, Solace wasn't ... I'm onto the Carrie Diaries now.
Monday 10 May 2010
Solace of the road
Now, when I started reading this book, and I noticed the name of the author, I started getting this running commentary in my head for how this entry would go. And then I read the blurb at the back where it said she'd died from terminal cancer in 2007 and set up a trust in her name through her publishers ... and I thought I wouldn't post anything in such poor taste (except this: Siobhan Dowd, when you were alive, you had an amazing first name. Bet you got a lot of grief with it too)
Solace Of The Road was a good book, though at first I had my reservations (that's what you get, I guess for picking up a book just because you share a Christian name. Although, Holly, the main character, sounds a lot like my Lamb.) Holly, the girl in it, is a foster child, and the book's basically about her being taken in by foster parents, rather than at a home, and her then running away from London to Ireland to try and get to her mum.
You do feel for the girl, even if she is a little nuts. She reminds me of a few girls I know. I was in tears by the end, when she's about to throw herself off a boat in the middle of the Irish Sea. She stole a wig from her foster mother before running off (who had cancer and wore this wig, but hated it. Holly loved the wig) and she used it to imagine an alter-ego while she was running away, but by the time she's on the ferry she can't convince herself like it anymore and ... yeah, you have to read it. I'm almost tempted to read Bog Child because of it, though that book never really grabbed me.
I'm halfway through The Girl Who Could Fly now, so I'll write about that in a day or so. And then maybe I'll carry on with This Bleeding City/On The Road, or maybe I'll start the Carrie Diaries. Who knows.
In other news ... sorry for not blogging much. I've slept every opportunity the last few days. I'm getting bruises and purpura too, on my chest. I'm making myself paranoid again. Dr Scully's in my head, constantly telling me the chances are still remote, but still ... I may be out of it for a little while. Don't be surprised if I don't blog much. I'm in my own head. Doesn't help that I'm doubting my writing ability, having read through about half of Uprooted now ... I need to make more changes. Sigh.
Solace Of The Road was a good book, though at first I had my reservations (that's what you get, I guess for picking up a book just because you share a Christian name. Although, Holly, the main character, sounds a lot like my Lamb.) Holly, the girl in it, is a foster child, and the book's basically about her being taken in by foster parents, rather than at a home, and her then running away from London to Ireland to try and get to her mum.
You do feel for the girl, even if she is a little nuts. She reminds me of a few girls I know. I was in tears by the end, when she's about to throw herself off a boat in the middle of the Irish Sea. She stole a wig from her foster mother before running off (who had cancer and wore this wig, but hated it. Holly loved the wig) and she used it to imagine an alter-ego while she was running away, but by the time she's on the ferry she can't convince herself like it anymore and ... yeah, you have to read it. I'm almost tempted to read Bog Child because of it, though that book never really grabbed me.
I'm halfway through The Girl Who Could Fly now, so I'll write about that in a day or so. And then maybe I'll carry on with This Bleeding City/On The Road, or maybe I'll start the Carrie Diaries. Who knows.
In other news ... sorry for not blogging much. I've slept every opportunity the last few days. I'm getting bruises and purpura too, on my chest. I'm making myself paranoid again. Dr Scully's in my head, constantly telling me the chances are still remote, but still ... I may be out of it for a little while. Don't be surprised if I don't blog much. I'm in my own head. Doesn't help that I'm doubting my writing ability, having read through about half of Uprooted now ... I need to make more changes. Sigh.
Friday 7 May 2010
Procrastinating again
I'm halfway through cleaning out my room, but it's so draggy, I'd rather blog.
My driving lesson was good this morning. Cut off a couple of 4x4's, whoops! I had to keep doing roundabouts, and turning on the right. Apparently, I'm much too chicken on roundabouts lol, I'll sit there for hours waiting for an opening. My instructors and my idea of an opening are very different though.
Anyway, then I had to get my eyes checked up. After the normal checks with my lenses in and out, and after they put in dye to see for any scratches etc, the doctor gave me these one-day lenses, which have a grey tinge around the edge of the iris, and coloured lines along the iris. They make your eyes pop. He was a pretty funny guy, I liked him. He also said I lost out on £1m because I missed one letter on the chart with my contacts in, but fair dos, I couldn't even see the big letters on the screen without any eye support. Feel like I'm going blind!
Also - I bought a Blu-Ray player. Going to watch Harry Potter Hi Def when the boy's asleep tomorrow night :D got an exclusive clip of the Deathly Hallows, so YAY! I am such a PotterDork.
Back to my cleaning now. Might update again in a few!
My driving lesson was good this morning. Cut off a couple of 4x4's, whoops! I had to keep doing roundabouts, and turning on the right. Apparently, I'm much too chicken on roundabouts lol, I'll sit there for hours waiting for an opening. My instructors and my idea of an opening are very different though.
Anyway, then I had to get my eyes checked up. After the normal checks with my lenses in and out, and after they put in dye to see for any scratches etc, the doctor gave me these one-day lenses, which have a grey tinge around the edge of the iris, and coloured lines along the iris. They make your eyes pop. He was a pretty funny guy, I liked him. He also said I lost out on £1m because I missed one letter on the chart with my contacts in, but fair dos, I couldn't even see the big letters on the screen without any eye support. Feel like I'm going blind!
Also - I bought a Blu-Ray player. Going to watch Harry Potter Hi Def when the boy's asleep tomorrow night :D got an exclusive clip of the Deathly Hallows, so YAY! I am such a PotterDork.
Back to my cleaning now. Might update again in a few!
Thursday 6 May 2010
Procrastination, thy name is zee
I'm meant to be tidying my pigsty of a room tomorrow, so I can watch avatar in there with my boy's Godparents without gassing them out or grossing them out. Still haven't. Damn you non-stop work and general elections!
I just ate a whole bar of cadbury's whole nut. I don't even like cadbury's. I like 60% chocolate or more.
No wonder I can't freaking lose weight, right?
Tomorrow's my golden day. Starts at 8 with my driving lesson :D
I just ate a whole bar of cadbury's whole nut. I don't even like cadbury's. I like 60% chocolate or more.
No wonder I can't freaking lose weight, right?
Tomorrow's my golden day. Starts at 8 with my driving lesson :D
Wednesday 5 May 2010
Bethan
Back to my 'letting the people I love know' series ... Bethan.
Bethan is a hero. I've known her since I was about three or four. I obviously don't remember meeting her, but I remember going over to hers once my play school finished with my mum, and seeing a picture of Bethan and her brother Gregg, and knowing it was Bethan (and also, her mum gave me coke for the first time ever. I love you Bethan's mum!). Since we've known each other so long - over 20 years now - we've seen some huge phases. She's been there when I was going through a hell of a lot of crap, and still wants to know. Bethan and I will be friends forever.
One weird thing about me and Beth, is that we were both born the same time from our due date (15 days early). She was born on my due date (but a year later, since I'm a year older than her). Somehow, this gives us some kind of connection, lol.
Bethan and I have done some really dorky things together. We both went through Rainbows and Brownies, and in Guides we were put in the same group (that was clever of our leaders, me Beth, and our friends Louise, Katie and Charlotte. We were so loud, after two or three years they finally seperated us). And in guides, we did this thing called a gang show. It's like a variety show for scouts and guides. Since we were the only two from our pack, we stuck together, and made friends with all the guys (which was great, we could go in the boys dressing rooms at show times and all the other girls were banned haha). We know some reaaaally embarrassing songs as a result. If you ever get to have this sort of conversation with Bethan ... ask her about the St Trinians send off. Most rehearsed scene ever (and Bethan lost her 'hair')
She's my boy's Godmother. I know she (and Tom and James, the boy's Godfathers) aren't particularly religious, but I also know that through everything we've been through, Bethan's had a level head. I need levelheaded people around me. And so will my boy. Anyway, it means I see her (and Tom) every few weeks, we talk, eat take out, watch films ... sometimes go out to the cinema or a bar or something. Tom can be pretty outlandish (when he talks about cars ... guitars ... his tattoo ... the latest job he's going for ... the decreasing number of girls he's slept with) and it's good to have Bethan there to swap stupid faces with. Not that we don't love Tom, but it's a sign of girly solidarity (Oh, btw, we met Tom at our second Gang Show. But we watched a video of the first a year or so ago, and Tom's part of the Brownie and Cubs bit, singing right beside us in Fat Sams ... freaky).
Oh, Bethan's not straight-edged though. She's crazy behind the wheel. Normally Tom drives us, but last time he'd pranged his car or his brakes locked (it wasn't a Toyota) so Bethan drove ... I don't know how she got her licence, as much as I love her. Her 4th gear sticks. She waits until the last minute to look at roundabouts and kept cutting people up. After Tom's smooth-yet-way-over-the-speed-limit driving ... it was interesting. Oh, and I'm never going near her kitchen sink! I realise this sounds like I'm slating Beth, I'm not. I just don't want you thinking someone so awesome is a dork with the above description.
I really am leaving my blog alone now. Night!
Bethan is a hero. I've known her since I was about three or four. I obviously don't remember meeting her, but I remember going over to hers once my play school finished with my mum, and seeing a picture of Bethan and her brother Gregg, and knowing it was Bethan (and also, her mum gave me coke for the first time ever. I love you Bethan's mum!). Since we've known each other so long - over 20 years now - we've seen some huge phases. She's been there when I was going through a hell of a lot of crap, and still wants to know. Bethan and I will be friends forever.
One weird thing about me and Beth, is that we were both born the same time from our due date (15 days early). She was born on my due date (but a year later, since I'm a year older than her). Somehow, this gives us some kind of connection, lol.
Bethan and I have done some really dorky things together. We both went through Rainbows and Brownies, and in Guides we were put in the same group (that was clever of our leaders, me Beth, and our friends Louise, Katie and Charlotte. We were so loud, after two or three years they finally seperated us). And in guides, we did this thing called a gang show. It's like a variety show for scouts and guides. Since we were the only two from our pack, we stuck together, and made friends with all the guys (which was great, we could go in the boys dressing rooms at show times and all the other girls were banned haha). We know some reaaaally embarrassing songs as a result. If you ever get to have this sort of conversation with Bethan ... ask her about the St Trinians send off. Most rehearsed scene ever (and Bethan lost her 'hair')
She's my boy's Godmother. I know she (and Tom and James, the boy's Godfathers) aren't particularly religious, but I also know that through everything we've been through, Bethan's had a level head. I need levelheaded people around me. And so will my boy. Anyway, it means I see her (and Tom) every few weeks, we talk, eat take out, watch films ... sometimes go out to the cinema or a bar or something. Tom can be pretty outlandish (when he talks about cars ... guitars ... his tattoo ... the latest job he's going for ... the decreasing number of girls he's slept with) and it's good to have Bethan there to swap stupid faces with. Not that we don't love Tom, but it's a sign of girly solidarity (Oh, btw, we met Tom at our second Gang Show. But we watched a video of the first a year or so ago, and Tom's part of the Brownie and Cubs bit, singing right beside us in Fat Sams ... freaky).
Oh, Bethan's not straight-edged though. She's crazy behind the wheel. Normally Tom drives us, but last time he'd pranged his car or his brakes locked (it wasn't a Toyota) so Bethan drove ... I don't know how she got her licence, as much as I love her. Her 4th gear sticks. She waits until the last minute to look at roundabouts and kept cutting people up. After Tom's smooth-yet-way-over-the-speed-limit driving ... it was interesting. Oh, and I'm never going near her kitchen sink! I realise this sounds like I'm slating Beth, I'm not. I just don't want you thinking someone so awesome is a dork with the above description.
I really am leaving my blog alone now. Night!
Pick'n'mix
I am so achy, I've been on my feet practically nonstop since last Tuesday. Buuuut, I have Friday off this week. And apart from an early morning driving lesson, and a contact lens appointment (which may screw up my vision a little the rest of the day, if they give me drops and whatnot) I finally get to rest. And watch Avatar and eat take out with my son's Godparents in the evening.
And ... election day tomorrow. I don't know who to vote for. In the past, I've voted either Green or Lib Dem. But I only went for Lib Dem for two reasons - one, because when Charles Kennedy was leader, he said once 'we won't win, so we won't lie. If somehow we won, we'd raise taxes' blah blah blah. Second, because, and this is probably a little indicative of my generation, I don't want the blame, even if I want the voice. So I vote third party and get nowhere and it's like 'hey, I used my vote, but not for the guy in charge. If you screw up, I can moan'. So if I vote Lib Dem tomorrow, and by some miracle Nick Clegg becomes PM and we end up with no tax credits and a bunch of immigrants and on the euro supporting Greece ... I'll have no chance of moaning. That's my fault.
I like some things Labour have done the past few years. Fixed minimum wage (better than maybe £2 an hour like some people earned under Conservatives last time) and Tax credits and the Surestart scheme, which has basically helped me bring up my son (my midwife did a clinic there once a week, and it was easier to see her there than book an appointment with my GP). But I didn't vote in Gordon Brown and wouldn't if I have a choice.
Which leaves Conservatives, right? I admit, I voted for them in the European elections ... but I don't like feeling like the above options are cornering me into a vote. Especially as it looks like it'll be David Cameron anyway. So I won't have the right to moan should there be any policies I don't like.
I only have a few hours to reason this out, don't I? Or I can close my eyes and make a cross and see where it lands ...
... and in sadder news ... a teacher at a school my dad works in died today. She was handicapped anyway - Motor Neurone - but she died of a heart attack in the night. The kids used to love her, even if she couldn't really move. She was still a brilliant teacher by the sounds of things (guess you'd have to be, if you don't have the option to slack and write everything on the board for copying out like some of my teachers did) ... it's so sad. And how my dad managed to tell 30-odd 8/9 year olds their teacher died ... he phoned their parents first, but it's still something that must be tricky. Got a lot of respect for him.
Thank Goodness for my boy though. Today he goes 'no no' and 'yes yes' in a really posh voice, was hysterical! He kept singing Happy Birthday as I put him to bed, think there was a birthday in his nursery. Another worker told me his nickname at nursery is 'Baby Brad Pitt' ... I think it's meant to be a compliment, but I never got the Brad Pitt thing. They're a little older than me though, so I'll let it go. Oh, and another hospital worker told me he's a cheese fiend, and I blamed his grandpa for sneaking him cheese when they make dinner together (no cheese found in said dinners). It makes me wonder why he turns his nose up at mcdonalds cheeseburgers?
I'm off to do a little proof-reading now. Maybe some editing. If you're lucky ;)
And ... election day tomorrow. I don't know who to vote for. In the past, I've voted either Green or Lib Dem. But I only went for Lib Dem for two reasons - one, because when Charles Kennedy was leader, he said once 'we won't win, so we won't lie. If somehow we won, we'd raise taxes' blah blah blah. Second, because, and this is probably a little indicative of my generation, I don't want the blame, even if I want the voice. So I vote third party and get nowhere and it's like 'hey, I used my vote, but not for the guy in charge. If you screw up, I can moan'. So if I vote Lib Dem tomorrow, and by some miracle Nick Clegg becomes PM and we end up with no tax credits and a bunch of immigrants and on the euro supporting Greece ... I'll have no chance of moaning. That's my fault.
I like some things Labour have done the past few years. Fixed minimum wage (better than maybe £2 an hour like some people earned under Conservatives last time) and Tax credits and the Surestart scheme, which has basically helped me bring up my son (my midwife did a clinic there once a week, and it was easier to see her there than book an appointment with my GP). But I didn't vote in Gordon Brown and wouldn't if I have a choice.
Which leaves Conservatives, right? I admit, I voted for them in the European elections ... but I don't like feeling like the above options are cornering me into a vote. Especially as it looks like it'll be David Cameron anyway. So I won't have the right to moan should there be any policies I don't like.
I only have a few hours to reason this out, don't I? Or I can close my eyes and make a cross and see where it lands ...
... and in sadder news ... a teacher at a school my dad works in died today. She was handicapped anyway - Motor Neurone - but she died of a heart attack in the night. The kids used to love her, even if she couldn't really move. She was still a brilliant teacher by the sounds of things (guess you'd have to be, if you don't have the option to slack and write everything on the board for copying out like some of my teachers did) ... it's so sad. And how my dad managed to tell 30-odd 8/9 year olds their teacher died ... he phoned their parents first, but it's still something that must be tricky. Got a lot of respect for him.
Thank Goodness for my boy though. Today he goes 'no no' and 'yes yes' in a really posh voice, was hysterical! He kept singing Happy Birthday as I put him to bed, think there was a birthday in his nursery. Another worker told me his nickname at nursery is 'Baby Brad Pitt' ... I think it's meant to be a compliment, but I never got the Brad Pitt thing. They're a little older than me though, so I'll let it go. Oh, and another hospital worker told me he's a cheese fiend, and I blamed his grandpa for sneaking him cheese when they make dinner together (no cheese found in said dinners). It makes me wonder why he turns his nose up at mcdonalds cheeseburgers?
I'm off to do a little proof-reading now. Maybe some editing. If you're lucky ;)
Tuesday 4 May 2010
Back on task
I lied, when I said which books I'd take away with me. Burned came out - I was shopping on friday morning, getting some last minute stuff, and thought I'd check out waterstones and HUZZAH! Used all my points so it cost me £2 ;)
Burned is the 7th book in the House of Night series, by the way. And oh maaaaaan ... best of the series by far! There was still some repetition, but since Stevie-Rae was still in Tulsa and Zoey was in cloud cuckoo land (or 'the Otherworld') and Stark was in Scotland with Aphrodite and the others were in Capri in Italy ... I forgave them. It seemed appropriate to the storyline for once. And there was so much happening, it didn't happen often. They've started bringing the storylines together and introducing themes you'd expect in fantasy books (good vs evil, different mythical beasts and how they can be defeated by humans etc etc, what happens when we die) and it just makes so much more sense than the other books. Except Stevie-Rae wanting to get on a half-man, half-bird thing they keep calling Raven Mockers. Ewwwww much!
I'd rather live in the House of Night than Forks ...
Burned is the 7th book in the House of Night series, by the way. And oh maaaaaan ... best of the series by far! There was still some repetition, but since Stevie-Rae was still in Tulsa and Zoey was in cloud cuckoo land (or 'the Otherworld') and Stark was in Scotland with Aphrodite and the others were in Capri in Italy ... I forgave them. It seemed appropriate to the storyline for once. And there was so much happening, it didn't happen often. They've started bringing the storylines together and introducing themes you'd expect in fantasy books (good vs evil, different mythical beasts and how they can be defeated by humans etc etc, what happens when we die) and it just makes so much more sense than the other books. Except Stevie-Rae wanting to get on a half-man, half-bird thing they keep calling Raven Mockers. Ewwwww much!
I'd rather live in the House of Night than Forks ...
Sunday 2 May 2010
Bournemouth is beautiful!
I don't intend on talking much, since I'm crazy-tired, but I probably will.
So I was down in Bournemouth this weekend, like I said I would be. We left about 3.30pm and would've been there in great time ... if there hadn't been stupid traffic at the Dartford tunnel. I've never had to queue to get off the QEII before ... and there were roadworks on the M25. We got there about ten past 8, and they extended our dinner. But bless the boy, he hadn't had a nap at nursery and he didn't sleep all car ride (we have a car DVD player, he was hooked on Thomas, Alvin 2, The Gruffalo and Toy Story throughout the journey) so dinner was the last thing he wanted. He had a melon starter, ignored the risotto I ordered for his dinner but had a humungus bowl of fruit salad for pudding. He had apple, banana and raisins in the car ... this is what I meant in a previous post, all that boy seems to eat is fruit, sweets and chocolate. And nursery food. And fish fingers.
Anyway, he fell asleep on my lap when we were trying to put his bedside protector thing together and when I tried to put him in bed, I tripped and kicked the divan. It's the same toe I always seem to hit like this, so it was stuffed up enough, but now the nail's ripped halfway along near the bit where the toenail starts to show. I'm going to have a ripped nail for months. Or no nail, which is far grosser.
So yeah, yesterday morning we had time to kill, and we walked over to Bournemouth town centre along the water front. We went with my brother-in-law's parents, and they're pretty cool. Found a shell windchime for my baby sister, and then we walked through these garden things. I wish my town had them ... they had these art displays going on, one was tin shapes everywhere, one was 'an impossible golf course', there was this gold-painted frame with photo's. My favourite one was this deck chair, but instead of material it had a strip of grass, and there was a sign by it saying 'keep off the grass' ... brilliant!
They had this little craft market thing too, which had this yummy bread stall (where we nicked chocolate brownie samples lol) and a fudge stall ... I love fudge. Especially this fudge. Proper fudge. I still have some fudge. But not for long. Anyway, we also found fresh donuts - I am all about fresh, seaside donuts. Where we have a beach hut, they take out pre-packed donuts, heat them in the donut machine, and coat them in sugar. It's criminal, but it's a pretty deprived area. They've only just got a tesco's. So yeah, it was nice to be able to have proper seaside donuts.
Me and my dad took the boy miniature golfing as well, while my brother-in-law's father went in this hot air balloon. He treated it like shuffleboard and when we told him the ball had to go in the hole he picked it up and put it there. Typical 2 year old. He did well though, got bored about the 13th hole. He was charging up and down that course, being all adorable lol.
Getting ready was fairly easy too. We gave the boy a bath and my dad took him out while I got ready, and ten minutes before we were due downstairs, we wrestled the boy into his suit. He held out for the starter, and the sorbet round (he loves champagne sorbet in a brandy snap nest. Who knew?) but he wasn't having his main course. Or the dessert course. So I trouped him upstairs thinking he'd sleep, and thinking I'd let him watch a little Alvin on the portable DVD. I was falling asleep through it (even when my dad brought up my liquer from that course, and my ladies present - a butterfly on a perfume bottle. Love at first sight) but boy got second wind. I hate when I'm more tired than him. I had to force him to sleep. It wasn't easy - we could hear the music downstairs - but I started singing along with 'Wonderful tonight' and then started lullabys, stroking his hair. Worked a charm!
This morning was shakeaways day ... good stuffs! Found this shop called Past Times, and it made me think of Poppy Coburn's blog ... it had all this art deco stuff, jewellery and mirrors, rings stands, powder boxes. Plus some old toys, knitting dolls like I used to use because I couldn't work needles ... there was a lot of things that reminded me of stuff Sophie Kinsella writes too. Lavendar and such. Anyway, I got this little green dragonfly brooch and a butterfly jewellery stand (can you tell I like butterflies? I've got this pale pink butterfly ring from miss selfridge too) was hard to resist half that shop.
The rest of the day was driving and sleeping awkwardly in the car and rest stations and picking my brother up from the other side of London where his girlfriend lives and I've sat uncomfortably for so much of today I need my double bed and thousands of cushions. I need my home luxury.
I've missed you though, blog.
So I was down in Bournemouth this weekend, like I said I would be. We left about 3.30pm and would've been there in great time ... if there hadn't been stupid traffic at the Dartford tunnel. I've never had to queue to get off the QEII before ... and there were roadworks on the M25. We got there about ten past 8, and they extended our dinner. But bless the boy, he hadn't had a nap at nursery and he didn't sleep all car ride (we have a car DVD player, he was hooked on Thomas, Alvin 2, The Gruffalo and Toy Story throughout the journey) so dinner was the last thing he wanted. He had a melon starter, ignored the risotto I ordered for his dinner but had a humungus bowl of fruit salad for pudding. He had apple, banana and raisins in the car ... this is what I meant in a previous post, all that boy seems to eat is fruit, sweets and chocolate. And nursery food. And fish fingers.
Anyway, he fell asleep on my lap when we were trying to put his bedside protector thing together and when I tried to put him in bed, I tripped and kicked the divan. It's the same toe I always seem to hit like this, so it was stuffed up enough, but now the nail's ripped halfway along near the bit where the toenail starts to show. I'm going to have a ripped nail for months. Or no nail, which is far grosser.
So yeah, yesterday morning we had time to kill, and we walked over to Bournemouth town centre along the water front. We went with my brother-in-law's parents, and they're pretty cool. Found a shell windchime for my baby sister, and then we walked through these garden things. I wish my town had them ... they had these art displays going on, one was tin shapes everywhere, one was 'an impossible golf course', there was this gold-painted frame with photo's. My favourite one was this deck chair, but instead of material it had a strip of grass, and there was a sign by it saying 'keep off the grass' ... brilliant!
They had this little craft market thing too, which had this yummy bread stall (where we nicked chocolate brownie samples lol) and a fudge stall ... I love fudge. Especially this fudge. Proper fudge. I still have some fudge. But not for long. Anyway, we also found fresh donuts - I am all about fresh, seaside donuts. Where we have a beach hut, they take out pre-packed donuts, heat them in the donut machine, and coat them in sugar. It's criminal, but it's a pretty deprived area. They've only just got a tesco's. So yeah, it was nice to be able to have proper seaside donuts.
Me and my dad took the boy miniature golfing as well, while my brother-in-law's father went in this hot air balloon. He treated it like shuffleboard and when we told him the ball had to go in the hole he picked it up and put it there. Typical 2 year old. He did well though, got bored about the 13th hole. He was charging up and down that course, being all adorable lol.
Getting ready was fairly easy too. We gave the boy a bath and my dad took him out while I got ready, and ten minutes before we were due downstairs, we wrestled the boy into his suit. He held out for the starter, and the sorbet round (he loves champagne sorbet in a brandy snap nest. Who knew?) but he wasn't having his main course. Or the dessert course. So I trouped him upstairs thinking he'd sleep, and thinking I'd let him watch a little Alvin on the portable DVD. I was falling asleep through it (even when my dad brought up my liquer from that course, and my ladies present - a butterfly on a perfume bottle. Love at first sight) but boy got second wind. I hate when I'm more tired than him. I had to force him to sleep. It wasn't easy - we could hear the music downstairs - but I started singing along with 'Wonderful tonight' and then started lullabys, stroking his hair. Worked a charm!
This morning was shakeaways day ... good stuffs! Found this shop called Past Times, and it made me think of Poppy Coburn's blog ... it had all this art deco stuff, jewellery and mirrors, rings stands, powder boxes. Plus some old toys, knitting dolls like I used to use because I couldn't work needles ... there was a lot of things that reminded me of stuff Sophie Kinsella writes too. Lavendar and such. Anyway, I got this little green dragonfly brooch and a butterfly jewellery stand (can you tell I like butterflies? I've got this pale pink butterfly ring from miss selfridge too) was hard to resist half that shop.
The rest of the day was driving and sleeping awkwardly in the car and rest stations and picking my brother up from the other side of London where his girlfriend lives and I've sat uncomfortably for so much of today I need my double bed and thousands of cushions. I need my home luxury.
I've missed you though, blog.
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