My big wish

This is something I've been talking about since I was ten.

It changes a little, but the main picture is the same.

When I was a little girl (and reading Francine Pascal/Ann M Martin books) I decided I wanted to move to America. There were two girls at my school who'd moved from Michigan (their parents were working at the local car factory, which I think now just does tractors?) and another of my friends was moving to California about the same time these 2 Michiganites were moving back.

And I was jealous. I still am (Ida hated California, she sent long colourful letters saying so ... last I saw on Facebook, she went to Michigan State. So she didn't completely hate America). They were so different, even if they didn't seem that way. They fascinated me. One girl, Laura, I got on with better. I remember going to her house and having peanut butter on ritz crackers and homemade lemonade. She brought sugar cookies in for halloween in pumpkin shapes and I learned everything I know about the presidents and Thanksgiving and everything from her.

I had this grand plan. I was going to California (Not LA. Maybe Anaheim, maybe San Diego) and I'd meet some blonde haired muscled surfer guy and he'd be my boyfriend.

I've moved on since then, obviously. Muscles are gross. I prefer darker-haired guys (like Jake Gyllenhaal, Jackson Rathbone, Mark Ruffalo). Surfers are cool but I'd like him to have more going on.

And obviously, I'd need more going on than hanging around on a beach with no money or a job waiting for aforementioned surfer guy. And it doesn't have to be Cali. There's so much of America I want to see.

As it stands now - I wish my job would expand the trade-outs system it has. I could work in Hungary, or Norway, or even China if I wanted for a few months. America isn't included in the system (though our company started in America. I saw the state on some packaging the other day, but it's slipped my mind). So, this is my new grand plan:

-Train to be a teacher.
-Teach for a good couple of years.
-Apply for a transfer to an American school (for a year, for 5 years, ad infinitem)
-Get visa's sorted for me and the boy.
-Get boy into preschool/kindergarten/first grade.
-Live the American dream.

Alternatively my writing career could surprise me and take off and I'll move my millions over there, where I'll have a complex big enough for all my friends to drop in uninvited. We'll have a live in nanny, so don't worry about the boy.

I still wanna go there so bad. We go on holiday there every 12-18 months (and I try and go between times) and every time I'm there it's amazing and I love the food and the clothes and the weather and the way shop assistants say 'have a nice day' without sounding dumb and I hate, HATE getting the flight home. The only thing it has going for it is the take off. Time is different in America, the days have more potential, I can fit more in. I feel good out there, more carefree. I love the way the money works (yeah, a 40p candy bar over there costs a dollar and has a stupid name - every time I eat a dove I think of soap, not galaxy - but a £15000 car is $15000, so I can take the candy bar hit when it's $1.53 to a £1! Plus, in a slightly run down area of Orlando, on the way from our time share to Florida Mall, there are little houses that have $1 a day rent. And 24 hour day care ... this is the good thing about reading every word that comes under my nose).

The only thing is ... I'm scared to go over with no place to stay, no money, no job ... how would my tax credits work out? Would I lose them, and child benefit, and CSA? Does America have schemes like that for immigrants? I feel like beaurocracy keeps me here. That and my mother (I swear, she wishes we were italian so she'd have an excuse for wanting us all near).

But my Uncle did it. He moved to Melbourne, Australia. I would love to pick his brains on how he managed that ...

... if nothing else, when the boy moves off to uni, or for a gap year, I'm going to drive around America for as long a visa as I can get. I wanna hire an old pink Cadillac or a classic Chevy to do it in too.

Ann M Martin

I'm finally back to blabbing incoherently about authors I've read/who've influenced me. And frankly, it's about time I mentioned Ann M Martin.

If you don't know, Ann wrote The Babysitters Club books. I hadn't even heard of them, but when I was 9, I was given The Truth About Stacey (book3) and Boy Crazy Stacey (book8), and I loved them to pieces. I wish now I didn't have such a sweet tooth, and had saved all my pocket money to negociate more books out my parents (I was creating loan structures with them from the age of 7, when I wanted a set of quints cousins for £3. So pricey for my 75p a week pocket money ...) but I still had a fair collection by the time I was 13/14. I know I should have grown out of them by then, but I was amazed that she'd written so much about this one group of girls - there's almost 200 of the original series, another 20 of the restyled series, 15 specials, 30-odd mysteries, plus the Little Sister and California Diaries spin offs. And since getting more disposable income, I've slowly tried to get the complete series - there's a lot of my room dedicated to those little brick spines. And even more of my storage.

I have reread some in recent years. I kind of wish I hadn't. The writing is so poor, I mean, it was a revelation when I was 9. But I don't think little kids could follow the writing properly these days. Well, maybe they can with the later books, but the first books are so vague in descriptions and the storylines are rushed through a couple of weeks, and she doesn't let things gestate. I worry I'm the same with my writing tbh.

Anyway, I remember reading someone's opinion on amazon about the series, saying they liked Stacey best because she was the only one with any flaws ... but I disagree. Stacey was the best character in the series because she was more like a typical teenager. She had fleeting crushes, she felt betrayed by some people she loved the most (her parents, her boyfriend), she went through phases of hating her friends (we've all been there ...) but she always rationalised everything she did, even if it was just that that was where she needed to be, to grow, or if it were just that she was young and allowed to make mistakes. The other characters, Mary Anne and Kristy especially, were so wound up on their stereotype that it was hard to see if they acknowledged what they actually needed for growth. Stacey changed the most in the books, which considering they had so many birthdays/Christmases/Halloweens etc, would make the most sense (and despite the amount of aforementioned celebrations, they remained 13 after book 10. Before, they were all 12).

California Diaries was good in the sense that Dawn's world got unsettled, the edges became blurred and she couldn't be a stereotype anymore. But still - one of her friends was anorexic, another had an abusive boyfriend, another had a suicidal friend ... it sounded like she was putting speech marks around a text book and using the books as a point to preach from. No subtlety ... no real art.

I loved her growing up, and The Babysitters Club will always be a big part of my reading history, but now I'm a little analyst ... not so much.

Sorry Ann. I'm sorry I grew up.

Jacqueline Wilson

I was in waterstones the other day, following up a 'double points this weekend only' offer, and came across Jacqueline Wilson's newest book. I felt such a pang when I saw it. Jacqueline Wilson's books ruled my childhood (along with Paula Danziger and Ann M Martin, but they'll get their own posts) and I so wanted it. I did this last time I saw a new Jacqueline Wilson. I debated in my head whether or not to get it. I've usually got a pram with me, and when you have one kid, they automoatically assume you have more or know more ... but I still can't do it. I'm sure they'll just know I'm buying it for me. They always seem to know I'm buying for me, not for a kid.

My sister started it all off. She had the original Tracy Beaker book, and I used to steal it and read it (I never understood that her books were off limits. I read some pretty adult stuff pretty young as a result). I got my copy of the Suitcase Kid not much later. But we didn't have much money growing up so I could never feed my book addiction properly - I took every copy I could find of hers out of the library instead. That drove my parents crazy too, every week I'd come out of the library with the full limit of my book allowance, with Jacqueline, Paula, Ann, Francine Pascal, R.L.Stine, and they'd beg me to put some back, that I'd never read them all in time, and the end of the day I would've gone through half the stack.

I liked that she took a problem child, or problem situation, and talked their way into a better one, and I loved that, that no-one's life was perfect but whatever problems prevailed in life, there was always a solution, a compromise. Part of my writing's like that. I try to live my life like that. I wish I had entire collections of all the writers I ever admired. I want all of Jacqueline Wilsons books. I wish my age wasn't such an issue for me. I wish internet shopping wasn't so addictive so I could get the books I want without embarrassment.

Damn you, 'Little Darlings' ... especially as one of the characters is a little bit like one of mine. Bahhhh! ... oh well, internet shopping it is, I guess.